Rescue Journal

solving an identity crises

Carol  ·  May 7, 2008

don't look for advice or support here (you;ll just get asked what kind of underwear you prefer) call my daughters instead.

jenn suggested naked male posters on my walls, or talking about sexy male movie stars....but that is not me.

lindsey suggested a t-shirt that says either...i am a heterosexual" or "i am not gay"

but i think that is a bit blunt.

so they are going to get me a t-shirt that says "i am a plant"

apparently plants are asexual, they don't have same sex or opposite sex partners sucking the emotional life out of them...this is why i think trees look so happy, even when they get old.

"i am a plant, I am a plant, i am a plant" is absolutely so perfect for me...i have achieved an accurate sexuality definition at 50...i didn't know i was supposed to do this, but i guess it is something one has to do in rescue.
i am a happy camper, and i really love my kids.

(plus they said i could be homo/bi/or hetero if i wanted, it made no difference to them but i would personally rather be a plant right now.)

AND...i can wear my "i am a plant" t-shirt under my flannel shirt so i can keep wearing whatever i want.




strange thing to put on a t-shirt. "I am not gay". what kind of message does THAT send?! (other than the obvious, of course. are they trying to keep all those sexy lesbian ladies off you?)

"i am a plant". that, is perfect.


or my shirt could say..." i am a pine tree"..i kind of like that!

and just for the record, sanity might be over rated cuz a sane person would just stop wearing flannel shirts where as i the pine tree will still get to wear them.


Poor Carol....even if you did start out sane as a Rescuer (isn't that an oxymoron?) there is no way to maintain your mental health....but then again, we like our imperfect plants certifiable. :)


oh for chrissakes......sighing again....i keep saying i am not perfect so that just leaves number three.
so my t-shirt will say "i am an imperfect plant"


Back to the Basics

Most of us learned something about the basics of plant sexual reproduction in public school. In a flower with both male and female organs (a "perfect" flower), the male portion of the flower produces pollen and the female portion produces the eggs. The male organ, the stamen, consists of anther and filament; the female organ, the pistil, consists of stigma and ovary. When the pollen is transferred to the stigma and successfully fertilizes an egg in the ovary, a viable seed is produced. So much for the basics.

Beyond the Basics

What complicates matters somewhat is that there are in fact 3 categories of flowers:

1. The perfect flower with fertile male and female organs both on the same flower. Plants with flowers in this category include apples, plums, lilacs, potentilla, tomato and many ornamental flowers;

2. The perfect flower with male and female organs both on the same flower, but with either the male or the female organ infertile. In this category are included plants in the sunflower family and many other hybrid ornamentals. These ornamentals usually have large, showy flowers that are "double" or "semi-double" - with more than the normal number of petals.

3. The imperfect flower with either fertile male or fertile female organs, but not both, on the same flower. Spruce, pines, ash and maples have imperfect flowers.

So this, dear Carol-the-plant, begs the question, what kind of plant are you?