Rescue Journal

just a quickie cuz geez i am tired...

Carol  ·  Jun. 27, 2008

i can't remember when i have ever returned to work from my vacation so utterly exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally too.

it doesn't feel right here without my baggy buddha.

sparky had another stroke..not as bad as the last one but still not a small one either.

jeanette got heat stroke today...cooling her off was difficult. she has had several accupuncture treatments today, been lifted to her feet and is still toddering around after almost 3 hours.

we had a few different sets of visitors, by late afternoon i was completely done day starts at 6 am and by the time we finished with jeanette it was 13 hours later.... i just can't function that long anymore. least one load of my personal laundry because i have no clean clothes to return to work tomorrow and then i am going to bed and screw everything else cuz this set of very stressful holidays have pretty much burnt me to a black dried out mess.



i wasn't upset by your comment heidi, i knew where it was coming from. i am still having a great deal of guilt over clyde but i think i figured it out....
morals and ethics and right and wrong are creations of our higher selves...ourselves who 99.9% of the time can afford to practice those things...but every once in awhile that 0.01% comes down to the basics of quality of life or survival....clyde, michael, cuddles, tugs, whoever...that's when you might make a choice that you know is wrong but you make it because it is the only thing left you can do.
so while i suffer the guilt for taking clyde's life, at least i now accept that we had reached the point that i had to...but i still miss him...clyde and wee hopeful bug, those two animals more than any others have forced me to define and accept who i am.

funny, i was thinking about you last night and was sorry that i hadn't heard from you. thx for posting again.


Wishing you and Jeanette all the best. Sorry about Mugsy, he was a great dog. I havn't been able to access the internet for a bit so this comment is a bit late in coming, I wanted to say I am sorry about the comment regarding Clyde I did not mean to upset you or anyone else. I was angry but not at you and if I took out my anger on you it was so misdirected. I am glad that Phoebe and Carly are different cases as losing animals to behavior is so difficult to accept. I have been fortunate that the first animals I ever had lived to 14 and 15 years old. I hope I have Trev as long. Trev and I send you hugs.


i want to speak about you taking care of you. i wish Jeanette were patient but i'm not and i know how it is.

i hope everyone sleeps well.


jeanette went down again about 10 pm (right next to the freaking fence, not in the middle where i told her she could lay down).... she is upset, she wants back up again and failing that...i think she wants me to stay out with her tonight. i told pete, edith and percy to go over there and sleep with her..percy was busy eating and the goats were already laying where i wanted jeanette to be...i am not sleeping out in the riding ring, i have to work in the morning and i am not sleeping anywhere near that idiot percy. i promised her we would get her up again but not tonight, she needed to rest.
frankly, she wasn't listening to me at all...i do not know how much longer i can do this..the vets say to be patient but jeanette is not happy tonight, patience is not making her feel happy.