when normal average folks live their daily lives..how much thought goes into it? cuz i have this thing (left over from my upbringing i suppose) that someone important is watching everything i do. so every time i would think to do something dishonest or unfair or unkind or untrue...i figured there was someone watching and i couldn't hide what i was up to.
this is why i wear my faults on my sleeve, cuz i am not about to be caught trying to hide the truth of whatever matter from an omnipotent who happened to be watching carefully and knows exactly what i did and why. maybe there isn't a "god" maybe i worry for naught. maybe i could just be a sleeze bag and no one would care. but maybe there is and if there is, whoever is not going to be the least bit interested in any bullshit story i try to weave.
i may have made alot of mistakes in my lifetime, but i have owned up to each and every one. i blame absolutely no one for my mistakes except the person who actually made the mistake and that's me.
and this is why i have so little tolerance for those who decorate the truth and use it to get off the hook...to me that is a cowardly act...do something, own it up...make a choice and stand by it...make a bargain and keep my side of it, always tell the truth even if i stand to lose cuz my word is my bond and if broken it is then worthless forever and i can never forget and stand tall again. and finally, never, absolutely never, creatively re-write history to bring myself up or another person down cuz that just brings me as low as can be.... i am always thinking, if someone just might be watching all of this, and i do wrong and then pretend i did not then i might be in some serious trouble for eternity.
weird, for all of my religous upbringing...this is what i got...not unquestionable faith but unquestionable fear that i would disappoint, or i would be untrue, or i would fall short, or i would not be worth the miracle that was supposed to be me.
so i was wondering...do average normal folks worry about this stuff like i do?