this story will illustrate the futility of blame. the second you assign it, you remove any possibility of ever having any control over what you want or need to control, ever, ever again.
carol has gone to bed tired and weary before 11 pm. cuddles has joined her and sarah and tawnie tried to but couldn't jump on the bed and carol wouldn't help them. jewel was asleep next to the bed, stripe was in her bed above the fridge, eddie was sleeping on the laundry room counter and no one knew where tang actually was.
the incident (as witnessed and reasonably surmised by a great deal of past experience)
carol and cuddles were falling asleep in bed, everyone else was settling into various places too. stripe was in her cupboard where she likes to sleep when tang decided to invade her. a fight ensured and stripe started screaming and then fell off of the fridge. tang stimulated by his screaming victim, gave chase. jewel, sarah and tawnie, leapt to their feet in hot pursuit. stripe tried to jump up on every counter but was too panicked and frightened and old to succeed. since she was the one visibly trying to escape, the dogs all converged on her. they didn't hurt her but the chasing her was exciting and fun.
enter carol into the middle of the fray and everyone except stripe went flying. tawnie slinked off to bed and jewel immediately laid down, sarah the ditz was still after the cat who was still jumping and falling back down. sarah suddenly realized that carol was VERY pissed off and it might be a good idea to sit down for a second and see what was going to happen now.
carol scooped stripe up onto the dryer, grabbed tang who was stalking in from behind and dropped him back down to the floor, the dogs went to move but thought twice when they heard a voice from above, utter the following words in a dangerous threat... "touch that cat and you are all freaking dead."
stripe is carefully checked for injuries and extreme care is needed cuz she is very upset and bites very hard. she is scared shitless and angry as all sin but appears to be unharmed. tang is then banished to the cat room and the hole in the door for escape is blocked so he can't get back out. stripe is then given some milk to see if she will calm down enough to have a drink. eddie now wants some of that milk and so he starts to sneak up on stripe and her milk which sends her back up the edge. eddie is banished to the cat room too and now the difficult part begins.
calming down stripe to get her back up to the top of the fridge, where she likes to be. carol spends the next half an hour alternatingly speaking softly and slowly to stripe and keeping the dogs utterly motionless. finally it is accomplished and stripe is where she belongs and no one will bother her again tonight.
but we are not out of the woods by any means because at twenty one years old and stressed to the max for several long minutes, the risk of heart attack is quite real. and that we might not know for quite some time.
the ending and the question
so who do i blame here? tang for being a bully? stripe for being a 21 yr old screaming freak out who fell off the fridge in the first place? jewel and sarah and tawnie for being dogs with instincts to chase screaming terrified cats? do i blame that pig eddie for pushing her further cuz he happen to want her freaking milk? do i blame myself for mixing cats and dogs. for having so many, for taking in assholes like tang and moronic fools like jewel and sarah? for not helping them up on the bed which was nowhere near the ruckus that ensued? do i blame all the ex-owners who left their pets with no hope in the world unless they could make it to some place like saints? do i blame the idiots who bred them all in the first place for whatever stupid reason they had and then gave them to someone to dump when they were old?
what is the point in blaming anyone at all? it is... what it is.
but now i am thinking that what happens to be "is" is not going to stay "is" for very long.
i have a few problems around here to sort out and blame won't help me in any way or fashion, it will just cripple me with anger, guilt and rage. and i can't afford the luxury of wallowing in crippled-hood when solutions to problems need to be found.