Rescue Journal

new incoming

Carol  ·  Aug. 1, 2008

the vets called....19 yr old cow...just lost her calf and is on her way to slaughter. we will have to pay the farmer what she would make in slaughter fees which is fine with me, a couple of hundred dollars is cheap for a life. so we will welcome, i don't know what her name is, or what kind of cow she is, all i know is she is hopefully coming here soon and i am quite happy with that.

my oldest daughter had a talk with me...i bet i am starting to look old and tired again....she had some things to say about, slowing down and being realistic about saints probably not going where i want it to be.

i told her i wanted to build something that would last far beyond me. not just help a few hundred (or thousand) animals in my lifetime but something that would help all of the seniors out there to have better lives. i told her it made me sad to stand with my fingers and toes stuck in the holes of the dam and to know that when i pulled them out, it would be like they were never even there at all.

but she is right, i am 50 years old...there is a handful of us that are here for the right reasons and an army of others storming the much can a handful build before they just get too tired to carry on? i should have started this when i was 20, then i would have had a lifetime to build. but 10 or 15 years is not going to do it and at 20 i was too thoughtless to know what to do. sucks to get old and smarter and feel the time running out.

anyway, she made some valid points which i will think on after i get the new cow and settle her the mean time i might start wearing make up so my daughters can't see the bags under my eyes.



But Carol, had you not envisioned, planned, and built S.A.I.N.T.S, would one of your other passions not taken over your life?

You don't take care of yourself, period, Carol. Your whole life has consisted of one form of "caring for" or another. Mother, spouse, nurse (and doing palliative care at that) rescuer....and it appears to me that you have done all of these things at Mach 10. There's always going to be someone or something who needs you, and, you being you, help will be given. I think you are hard wired to be accommodating.

As hard as the first years were, you had the drive, determination and strength to make your vision into reality. You did it with very little support, under extremely difficult circumstances, but now your dream exists, and S.A.I.N.T.S seems to have taken on a life of its own.

You are 50, and how many more years of hauling bales of hay do you have in you? How long can you go on with financial instability, weird and unstable people, and, of course, the biggest burden, the old, the sick, the frail, the displaced, the no-longer-wanted, the dumped, the dirty, the lost, the lonely, the hurt and the no longer useful. The animals that are lucky enough to find sanctuary at S.A.I.N.T.S. are not a burden in your eyes, I know that, and anyone who knows you well will agree. It's not the animals themselves that cause you grief and all those sleepless nights. It's all the crap that comes with running a successful sanctuary that will do you in. The "experts", the do-gooders, the jealous, the resentful, the users and abusers, the wannabes, the has beens, the never weres. There is nothing like success to bring out the absolute worst in people who would look stunned and say "Who, me? She can't be referring to me."

How long before your baby, your Sanctuary, is in a position to go on without you? Not anytime in the near future. At some time you will really have to look at your life 5, 10 years from now. Will you have the physical strength and/or the emotional spirit to continue, or will you finally follow your bliss and retire to Best Friends?

Thinking about S.A.I.N.T.S. without you is impossible, Carol. That's either a really good thing or a really bad thing.


You know what they say on the airplane. Put your own oxygen mask on first before you try to help anyone else. We must take care of ourselves first so that we are strong enough to take care of others. I hope you take your daughter's advice. I haven't seen how you look but just reading your blog wears me out. I don't know how you do it. I always wish that I had the energy you have. Anyway take care of yourself so that you can be there for those who really need you. I am happy to hear you are rescuing a cow once again. Gotta love ya Carol.