Rescue Journal

and it begins

Carol  ·  Oct. 9, 2008

well i caught simon without too much difficulty or trauma this morning, he is all loaded up in the car...not because he knows we are trying to help him, not because he is starting to trust us...not for any of those stupid reasons that humans like to tell ourselves...he let me catch because he has already learned, he can't win against us. that poor freaking rabbit has decided there is not much point in putting a ton of effort into trying to escape from the monsterous human currently hunting him....and THAT makes me even more sad.

fingers crossed simon survives today and then i promise i will somehow make it better for him...i will try to find a way.

cuddles is going in too this morning. i am hoping he is just a big weinie...but cancer of the bone is flitting thru my head and i would like the vets to make that thought go away.

my hip was not empty last night...eddie has now claimed it as his, and yes he also is a drooler but i miss julie still.



oh, oh, oh...i found it! where i was pissed over the things that were being said about me because of how i handled the crises with not you so sorry...just bad timing on posting the post right after you. totally unrelated...i did not see your comment as anything but supportive and kind...i don't take offence is usually because of direct, repeated personal hits with a freaking 2x4 like a telephone marathon where i suck as a human being and am using the animals for my own personal power game and all i really want ever to do is hurt and mess up other people's and the animals innocent lives.... gee whiz that is exactly what i am trying to do here, i don't know why i didn't ever see this... apparently everything i thought about me and saints is a total illusional/delusional masquerade (ooops...i guess i am still pissed cuz i did what i see as my JOB...he ruptured his eye, i took him to the vet to try to have it surgically removed and i am sorry he died but i did the best for him that i possibly could AND i did it calmly and quietly and gently and WITHOUT FREAKING HYSTERIA so as to not upset him unduly...i am in deep shit because i put HIS needs before  human needs and i'd do it again too....deep breath carol, sorry marie, still not you, sheesh. )...
anyway, you are absolutely fine, sorry for the poor timing!


marie...sorry i must be totally clueless cuz i really am out to lunch lately...but what comment of mine?...where did i put it so i see can what idiosy i wrote cuz honestly, it was not meant to make you feel uncomfortable...i like every thing you have ever said on here!

Marie Bellemare

Dear Carol, after reading your comment, that came right after I left my own comment, I felt strange and was hoping it was not addressed to me. If it was, I feel maybe my message was interpreted a different way than I was hoping it would be... anyhow... I know that what I do with senior dogs is on a very small scale and I know nothing about being responsible for so many... maybe I went to far with my comment. I don't know... but if yes, let me know and I'll back off... really, you don't need someone to tell you what to do or how to be and maybe I did... just cause I cared...
Have a good day, marie

Marie Bellemare

oh lucky eddie !!!

carol please I know it's hard but stop being so hard on yourself... when you make a decision, in the present, it is the right one... otherwise you wouldn't make it...

we are humans, worst parasites of the earth mother, and we can't escape that, trust me I know I tried !!!but that's the way it is... still we try to bring love and comfort where we feel it could be good and most of the time we are so blessed to actually see great results, we see an animal (a being) with joy, with freedom, with confidence...

carol thank you for those you love and you help... it is the right decision... I do know what you mean with simon and I OVERstand... that part where you have to catch him and "control" him... we would want to be perfect and do the perfect thing and avoid any suffering and fear to anyone around us... carol you still make the right decision when you are in your present and connected with your inner love... YOU ARE !

Carol, I truly hope I'll have someone with a heart like yours around me when it's my time...

and please give a hug to OKA for me that kiddo really touches me from where he is... sending good thoughts for all at SAINTS with love. Marie