rambling on....

i looked around me tonight at these senior animals..these old and wrecked and wretched creatures too old to be of use to anyone anymore. and i am saddened by two realities.

the first is that they ever needed to come here in the first place. and the second is that most of them will never leave.

i look at cole whose spine was destroyed by an ill tempered blow. and that one blow also destroyed any chance he ever had of a really great home. who can adopt a dog who drops stool and leaks urine? how could anyone ever live with him in their house and let him sleep on their bed and their couch?

i looked at spot, teetering on the edge of her life. 20 years she produced calves and milk for human need and in the end she was sold for her price per pound of meat. do you know how much it hurts us to see her fading away before us? the pain and the patience we endure as we work with the vet to make sure we have tried everything for her before we forever close her eyes?

and not to forget percy who loses another mother and friend in just over a year. how many times will death steal from him that security and friendship he shares with them?

he cried tonight in the riding ring. i separate him and spot at feeding time to make sure she has all of the time that she needs to eat. he doesn't want to be kept from her, he wants to be with her whenever he needs. does he know that soon she will be leaving and he will be alone again?

i looked at BJ as he finally sleeps on his bed. how many years of uncertainty and anxiety tormented him inside his head?

i looked at dusty and lucky, both blind and unable to see and they missed their much loved romp in the field this morning because of spot and percy. dusty is not safe with any animal she doesn't know and she will charge those cows and end up getting hurt. it is too hard for spot to make it into the riding ring and she wants to stay out in the pasture in the little undercover area.

so whose needs to we meet...spot's or lucky and dusty's?

do you feel the burden of responsibility of the of the caring for them here?

not everyone can do seniors...many people shouldn't even try. for them, you have to be able to give every single thing you can beg, borrow, steal or find.

you can't freak out cuz they leak urine or drop poop. you can't not love them because they bite when you give them insulin. you cannot get frustrated and upset because they pace and wander around. you can't knock them off because they look like they might fall or they are getting thinnner. you have to find a new way to get that weight back on or give them a safe and level place where they are less likely to tip over and fall.

if gilbert stays blind for very much longer it means that we have to construct a whole new goat habitat. one that is safe for him and interesting, one that allows enough space and comfort for his goat friends to join him for bed.

not everyone can do the old and the sick or the disabled day in and day out. not everyone is able to put themselves on hold to keep finding new ways to work new challenges out.

i want these guys to get homes..but not at the expense of the comittment it takes to care for them well....the ones that are here that already lost their homes because of the natural effects of aging..they know what i mean. they know when they got let down, where their family drew that finish line of caring that left them here.

i don't know what the answer is except that somehow humans have to learn what loving and caring means..it is a demonstrated act of compassionate comittment and following thru without any excuses.

UPDATES

yesterday was great. the spectra staff came and the bedroom cats have an outside run. the gravel paths and the newly painted fences in the back yard look wonderful.

we had an overnight visitor...a stray named shorty. he was the sweetest basset hound..i returned him to his family that really loved him but not quite the way i wished they did.

chester, the toothless little blind pom is not coming...his family forgot to call me and tell me they decided to keep him until he deteriorates enough to PTS.

jesse is acting cranky, he snapped at a volunteer today. we think the tumour on his chest is growing and maybe causing him pain.

gideon is dropping weight..he is getting picky on what he wants to eat...never passes up his apples but is not finishing his senior feed. i picked up some new stuff today to try on him...we'll see how he does.

i have already decided that gideon and spot are going to now be given orchard grass instead of local hay. it is 4x the cost but if they eat it, that is a very good thing. gideon has a thing about alfalfa..he hates it, don't ask me why. but it means the timothy/alfalfa hay cubes, the alfalfa pellets are off his things "i like to eat" list....picky, spoiled, stubborn old horse.

my three girls (2 daughters and one soon to be daughter in law) got together today and spent five hours creating the upcoming saints silent auction and dinner e-vite. they sent me the final copy..it looks great. thanks you guys so much from all of us here and i really love you all.

if you would like an e-vite sent personally to you...let me know.
sigh...i am done..good night.