there is absolutely no point in a teenie weenie one night pity party..if you are going to indulge in the full flavor of abject hopeless pitifulness, you might as well go for the big haul.
so today i called the vets to tally up the bills and thats always a sure fire way to continue the downward spiral. i have sat down and added it all up...i have added in the next few weeks wages, the cost of feed and supplies and painted myself a realistic picture of daunting mountainous bill hill.
in an effort to seek out the positive, i have included a summery of money that might come in by the end of the month..it is pretty subjective but at least i made the effort.
and the final result is, we might just squeeze thru..maybe not paying everything up tp date but making enough of a reasonable try to keep the vets happy for a bit and still cover the necessities here.
but...no visually impaired friendly pen for gilbert yet. his sight has not returned, it is the end of the week..i think that hope just sunk. he will have to make due with what he has for a bit. if i knew he was going to seizure and go blind before, i'd have asked spectra to build his pen instead of the new cat run..but unfortunately, i suck at seeing into the future..i just get stuck with dealing with whatever comes...like a blind goat that i didn't see.
oh well..he will eventually get his pen because they all eventually get what they really need. patience is not my best virtue but at some point i need to practice it a bit.
i am trying to decide if i should put off marshmellow's first eye surgery..it is booked for next week. it won't matter much if he has to wait another month or so, i just would like to begin the process to help him see better again....plus..if spot and misfit do decide to leave us..there is the cost of their passings and after care of their bodies . sounds morbid to talk about it but it is a reality coming.
and this is what rescue also means..the worrying, juggling, the practicality of paying the bills. because while i and the volunteers do rescue for free around here...not much else comes along without a bill.
here is a fact of life about rescue...it ain't easy, it ain't cheap, it ain't a whole lot of fun and it definitely ain't what most people think.
so while tonight i am not crying my eyes out..i am thinking about a life not so filled with worry and chaos...one where i don't get bit 3 times in one night, where my bed is not wrapped in three layers of rubber, where there is not buckets and bleach in each rooms corner, and paper towels within a 2 foot reach, where i am not afraid to answer my phone or open my email or go and see who the hell is out in the driveway..one that just has my kids, my friends, my 3 dogs and two cats and me.
doesn't that sound like a happier place?