i want to talk more about yesterday at the auction

there are times in our life when we are able to act...maybe it is not convenient, maybe it is not easy, maybe it is not some kind of fairy tale of perfectly planned out action...but it is very real.

i rescue animals...i am aware of the horror out there but mostly i do just keep my eyes down and deal with what comes thru our gates. but i am also a person of action, it is not in me to find all of the common sense reasons to convince myself... i do enough.

if the truth be known..i will never have done enough, at least not til i take my last breath...maybe then i will be satisfied that there is nothing more i can do.

going to that auction was a mistake in judgement on my part..i knew i was not strong enough, and yet...honestly again? i WANTED to go. i wanted to see what i had made in my imagination into some horrible monsterous thing...and was it monsterously horrible?

no...it was just an efficient routine of buying and selling animals and managing them in between.

none of the workers were cruel or unkind...they just moved the animals along to and fro from truck to holding pen to ring.

there was a terror of unknown uncertainty in there that came from the animals themselves. that was horrible for all of us..we could all feel it around us. but the workers were calm and efficient and managed that terror well.

this was reality for farm animals everywhere...they are born to be bought and sold....born to die.

and really, we all are..life is a journey from birth til death. sometimes that journey is full of self-actualizing happiness...sometimes it is just full of profit and death.

anyway, i saw it..i felt what i felt in there. i tried to be somewhat responsible and realistic in how much we could help.

in my mind..i said no when i absolutely had to and i said yes whenever there was a remote chance...i regret not buying joy's dear friend..i will see her face for a very long time and know that i turned away.

but tonight i am at peace with who is in our barns, our fields and our care....i know we can care for them. i know they will now have a good life, here at saints or in adoptive homes. i know this is true because...i don't ever settle for less. this whole place, every square inch...every moment of every day...every single cell inside me is here for them for as long as they need.

sure i push the envelope..sure i take on more than i should. but when i do that..i don't let them down. i just figure out what they need to make here good.
i made the right decision for percy...he does not need a mom anymore. he is a young grown up steer now..he needs a young grown up friend. as soon as i saw them together..i knew this was right for both joy and him.

i think we can place those little goats in a very good home together...yes, they cost some money, yes, they need neutering and feeding and housing until that home shows up...and yes i believe we can provide that for now. so i am content that they are alive here and not in the slaughter house.

i don't really want 4 cows on the property...but maybe we can find the babes a home of their own too. and maybe we can't ...cows are more difficult than tiny, gazelle like goats. percy and joy are forever sanctuary animals, but maybe the babes have a chance somewhere else.

and if they don't? can we manage them here? yes we can. maybe we will have to rotate field time and they will have to take turns in the riding ring..but that's a pretty big area, it is clean, it is fresh with sun and breeze, it is comfortable to hang around on a day here and there. and it is still better than a slaughter house.

do you know how many cows live lifetimes in barns and NEVER feel the earth under their feet? now many shelf dwelling horses move from stall to small paddock without much freedom or relief?

the farm part of what we do here...it is important to me.

those of you who volunteer or visit here or keep involved from afar thru the blog..let me ask you...have the love stories of percy and jeanette and spot touched you? have the trials of gilbert and his loss of sight moved you? have you been as frightened when spritely's leg flares up as me? did you cheer when floyd the duck discovered that ducks love water?

what have you learned here from these wonderful farm animals?

did you start to think of them as real with unique and special personalities? did you suddenly understand the depth of emotion and the value in life that they feel?

did you go past just thinking about dogs and cats and start pondering the secret lives of goats, cows, horses, rabbits, pigs, llama's, ducks and sheep?

i know that i have..every single time i get to know them, i fall deeper in love.

saints is here for the animals..but it is here for us too. so maybe we have only helped 356 animals in just over 4 years..but how much have we grown while helping them do you think?

seeing percy and joy together tonight...feeding those babes their bottles...watching those goats wake up from their sleep and KNOWING without a doubt that all of them tonight had everything they need...that is how i view action. it is not a dream, it is not a wish..it is tonight for them.... a reality.