if i could have one wish come true only..it wouldn't be to win the lottery...(ok, maybe if it was millions and millions...like, um...40 million, cuz i could do a helluvalotta good with that kind of money)...but really what i would wish for (if the other option was only a paltry million or two) would simply to be able to hear inside of all of these guys different heads.
maybe, what i heard might hurt me...like...dixie chick waxing eloquently on why she hates my guts...or morgan's opinion that i am some kind of sick human wild cat kidnapper keeping her caged in hell. maybe when daphne 2 arrived, her pain and fear would be even harder to bear if i heard her panic too...but to hear what floyd thinks when his pool is fresh and clean. to know what percy whispers to emily as he gives her a bath, to know what gideon thinks of growing frail or what spritely feels when her leg is bad? to really understand why jeremiah is so mean or caspar is so enraged when i give him his insulin or if marty really is as unhappy about not being able to go outside as we think he is.
what does ellie think about when she is dozing by the pond, does she know she is a princess pig? why does lahonie think i am going to steal the food i just gave him? does he think i am a thief? (or i like eating that crap that he likes so well...not likely)
and are they really content with their lives here or did they just settle and lower their expectations because it was better than nothing or whatever it was that they had before?
what does that little edith goat think about as she quietly wanders from here to there and what does joy think she is seeing when she is checking out whatever seems to be of interest to her next? is she expecting something big to happen or does she just like looking at things?
how did she feel at that auction, and how does she now feel about being here now? is she sad because i did not save her friend?
and do any of them know even why they are here and are they missing something or someone that they left behind somewhere else?
who did they love before they came...what made them happy and joyful...do they dream of a different life or did here become that dream that they dreamed?
i want to know what they are thinking and feeling. i want to sit down and discuss with them some of the issues they have. why does tunie hate strangers and especially men and when she seems content and happy...is she really content and happy or am i just a clueless doorknob who can't figure out what she really feels?
i want to KNOW these things..i want them to tell me in words that i can truly understand and not misunderstand. i want to know if what i have done here has value to them or if it is just another part of life that they accept and good naturedly endure cuz that is just life with stupid humans.
if i can't have this...ok, i'll take the 40 million...but just imagine if i really could see inside their heads...i think it would be amazing. and i think it would change me because i think they sometimes think things that maybe i don't want to know.
because maybe i should somehow be doing this differently...or maybe i shouldn't be doing it at all...but how do i know if they can't tell me?
i think relying too much on a humans perspective to figure things out the best that they can for entirely different species who can't speak the language...might make for some unintentional but very big mistakes and i don't want to mess things up for them more.
and...i just think it would be such a wonderous thing to be able to hear what they really say.
and i also want to know...if they are as messed up in their heads as we humans...cuz good lord if this endless blog is an example of getting a free look inside someone's pondering head...i might pass on getting inside any more.