at the end of the day you will not lay your head down content that you have done a good job. you will run the questions of yourself, of your mission, of your tangible work, thru your mind, tryng to sort it out. you will question the validity of what you see, what you believe and what others see and believe too.
and it can drive you crazy trying to find the truth....and the sometimes hidden reality.
rescue is not about unalterable, universally accepted truths, but then neither is life. we all say we believe in some of the same things, but when reality bites, we rarely do.
it is not much different for me than it is for some of our volunteers...they get a little bit of the same taste when normal folks come to their homes and meet their 4 or 5 or 9 dogs, all trying to say hello. i told kathy yesterday that i could make it easier for visitors here...we have basically 5 dog acceptable areas and i could neatly organize 6 dogs into each room and make it not so overwhelming.
not that the dogs would like it all that much, they prefer to be in a large and noisy greeting group, in the kitchen. where most of the action on every tour is....and it is where all of the treats and food actually lives.
i wish that people could see the saints that i see, when all of the exciting humans have finally gone home....the dogs quietly laying around, maybe a few following me from washer to dryer to kitchen sink. not all that interested in what i am doing but just quietly content to be close to me.
i wish they could see the bed buddies picking their spots without any arguments or disagreements as we lay around on the bed to watch a movie. a belly asleep and exposed but inviting a soft touch, a head under my chin that doesn't awaken but stretches up as they feel a kiss. the quiet and gentle care and notice they feel as they dream of something else..the fleece being adjusted to cover their body a little bit more.
i wish they could see as the quiet descends, the back room cats venturing out, drawn to my lap or the computer desk, tikko flopping around all over me like he is a ragdoll cat.... the day is done and it is just the sleeping dogs, the night roaming cats and me....everyone else who adds to the daily havoc of a busy animal shelter is gone home to their own peaceful house.
i wish they could see cleo in her chair draped over me and dusty sitting blindly next to us with her eyes falling heavy with sleep, lucky laying on the bed a few feet away, chewing on some toy for awhile before drifting off too.
none will ever truly see all of this, because as soon as they are here, it is new, it is different, it is exciting..humans don't really know how to move thru the night of their world without causing ripples of energy.
this is why i get so frustrated at night and early morning by unexpected interruptions in our time of peace...i crave that quiet solitude when there is just them and me.
maybe if we installed cameras and folks could really see the other quiet side of saints that most don't really believe.
colleen sent me a note this morning, her ex came to build a door yesterday for the hideaway suite....it was pretty quiet when they left here, the evening peace was just beginning...she said he had tears in his eyes on their way home.
i know they were not tears of joy, they were in part tears of quiet sorrow about how we as a society abandon and turn our backs on these senior animals. but i think because he saw the beginning of the best of what saints is, they may have been tears of a little relief that our animals at least had here.
so the reality of rescue is...what you yourself will seen when you visit us..but there is another reality too that you won't ever fully see unless you actully become like me.