it is such a fine line between respect and fear....between life and death.
we get such wretched animals here. i remember a male teacher here with his family for a tour..one look at honey's empty eye sockets and he was weeping in his car. people have gazed upon buddy and sissy and molly and thought..oh please, put the poor things down.
and yet honey had such happiness with nicole...buddy and sissy and molly too are really quite happy here.
these are the wretched ones that look but don't feel wretched anymore...they feel fine.
and then there are the ty's, the BJ's, the star's, the horrors like sweet pea and the oh so wretched kai's that find their way here. the ones we have to figure out..are you totally unalterably wretched and need to be set free, or are you someone that just needs something...medical care, attention, mental stimulation, some thoughtful understanding, to find yourself again?
we never know when they first walk in the door...we have to go thru the process to find their answers before we can make decisions for them.
to look at felix..there is nothing left of that dog..his hearing, his vision, his physical health are gone. and yet last night..i fell asleep with him on my bed. i should move him this morning before he pees himself and my bed..but he is too comfortable, he is too real in his contentment to move him yet. felix has an on switch that activates with human touch. he barks with joyous squeakiness, he gasps to catch his breath from the effort. last night he flip flopped all over me..licking my face, rubbing his face under my pillows, playfully grabbing my fingers with his old rotten teeth..he was so happy...so excited that he grabbed the extra fleece and began humping it (folks please neuter your dogs before they get too old.)...in any case..he was so happy...and funny. and when he finally exhausted himself..he made the perfect bed with that abused fleece and curled up to sleep. felix is here...he may have a destroyed body..but his mind and his spirit hold tight to the things he enjoys. this little wretched dog was so happy last night.
there is a new incoming..this one worries me. he is a 16 year old wretched thing. his family are caught in no-where land...because of his severe age related deficits, they can't let him live with them, and they can't put him down either, so he lives alone confined in a basement area since last february. these people, love their dog but they do not know what to do with him and so til now, they have done nothing at all. both human and animal unhappily lost and immobile in the shadowy frozen place of guilt, fear and past love...unable to move forward, unable to go back..all of them suffering, stuck in the suffering of not knowing what to do.
and so i worry...will he like some of the others find himself here again because we can of all places deal well with the deficits of extreme old age and work towards overcoming them. will he be like felix and find happiness on my bed? or will he be like BJ, coming here to just find the end of a journey that is too far along to turn away from for awhile?
this morning i sit here and i am afraid....will we give something of value to this little wretched thing?
bosco arrives next sunday and then i guess we will see.