well i can't blame the tears today on PMS'ing cuz that was last week.
Carol · Nov. 23, 2009
i have been blinking them back all day and it is just plain old tiredness...not physical, just mental and emotional...too many things to worry about, too many things to try to figure out...too much responsibility in running saints for me.
i can do the animal thing with my eyes closed and my hands tied behind my back...so easy to care for them all because love is just like that...you just do it and it is ok.
but this other stuff...i have to call our insurers tomorrow and notify them of this newest lawsuit..it won't matter if this one goes away like the others...at some point they are going to consider us a poor insurence risk just because the threats seem to come, every single year.
ripples in the pond....so easy to hurt us in some way or another...start a rumour, say an unkind thing, change the real story just enough to make us the bad guys instead of the victims.
and none of these people care for a second about how this affects the animals themselves..the animals do not exist in any of this...humans do..it is always about human wants, needs, ego.
i want to live in a safe world like everybody else. i want my reputation, my work and my ethics to be proven by my actions, by what i do and say, by how i live every single day of my life..not by folks with an axe to grind or a need to fulfill....why should they get to determine my meaning in lfe?
so today i blink back tears and i think about the possibilities of finally exitting this life...i have done enough, i have helped enough, i have saved enough..i can have some peace and security and privacy now, can't i?
do you think the animals will understand when i am finally just too tired by the people shit and don't want to help them anymore?