saints friends xmas potluck sunday at 1pm in the mp room.
photo's with santa saturday, next to vancity in mission at the juncton 1030-230.
still looks cold outside today. i better remember to get the coffee pot going for the barn folks today. cold is fine if you are indoors..it sucks if you are outside working and your toes and fingers start hurting cuz they are frozen. hot coffee helps that i think.
i missed spot all squished up next to me last night...i wonder how he is doing? blind dogs are such a burden of emotional responsibility..i worry about them in more ways than seeing animals even tho i try really hard not to let them know this cuz i don't want to cripple them further, i want them to feel strong and independent, in control of their world.
but sending them out is always really difficult for me because now i am the blind one who can't see how they are doing.
i wll tell you something about this kind of rescue...i truly do love all of these animals..even reggie and phoebe. but there are some that crawl deep under my skin and lodge themselves in there permanently....clyde, spot, cuddles, wilbur, bill, spritely, gideon, jeanette, rose, sweet pea, ellie mae, tunie, maude, the double daphne's and others ...it was instantaneous, immediate...boom, they had me at hello.
with others it is time and caring, and their determination to one day own me. i never know which ones are going to do it to me..quickly or slowly. and i never really know why they do it to me quickly..is it because like felix, sweet pea, little jack, spot, clyde or rose...they just so badly really need me? or is it something different, like an instant recogniton that i can see inside them so well and be everything they need me to be???
who knows..how do you define all of the varying degrees of true love..love at first sight or love that comes from the actual act of loving?
because love is not an airy fairy, floating invisibly in the air thing...it is a demonstrated, measurable act of loving..it is a visual, physical, demanding action thing.
this is why i pay little attention to how many times i hear how much people love these guys when they leave them here. my job in loving is to love them, and let them go, even when i don't want to, to get them to the very best of happy..their jobs in loving was to bring happiness to them, with them...not leave them here for me...how do they know if i suck at happy? who would take the chance?
people are far too trusting.
now in spots case..i already knew what loving meant to his seattle people. it meant driving up here to meet him under the illusion of just sponsoring him. it meant going home and doing the whole digging around with insight inside to discover the truth..did they have what spot needs to find happness with them? it meant finding a cardiologist to assess him whle he is there..not to see if he is healthy enough but to make sure he gets whatever medical care he needs. and it means watching him and their other two carefully and being willing to put what the dogs want and need before the human things...so if spot or they are not likely to find happy, they bring him right back to me, asap.
no airy/fairy loving going on there...lots of demonstrated, committed caring going on around him in the past short week.
and i don't know truly what hidden inside of me that i am hoping for in the end?...spot back in my arms or spot safe in their arms for the rest of his life?
i guess i should pick the second thing...that's demonstrated loving too...but honestly? i think i am secretly hoping he comes back.