doris is shivering today...which is odd because i think it is a bit too warm in here....

felix is still curled up on the bed between yuki and the daphnes...i have to say that those bed buddies are pretty tolerant of the littlest and most wrecked saint. he can cuddle up to all of them, he can flip around and rub his face anytime he pleases, even if someone is actually laying where ever he is digging his face in.
not sure if it is actual dog compassion and understanding or just a really good understanding of what that little dog and his happiness actually means to me.
even caspar and jerry accept his flipping around and they don't tolerate flipping here and there from anybody else.

sometimes lately i get really sad....i see how many here are hanging by the last thread...daphne1, cole, felix, shadow, donny, doris...and a few others whose threads are not much longer or stronger either...max, rosie, archie, jewel, maude, james bond, louise...maybe gideon.....plus the ones that sneak up on me....it is going to be a brutal hard new year i think.

i mostly try not to look too far into the future, esp, when it looks like the near future holds alot of sadness for us here. but once in awhile i cannot help it, mostly because i am not blind.

and i will tell you something about saints and me....it is living with death looking over your shoulder, every single day that teaches you something really important....

peace comes from a conscious effort. contentment grows when you nurture it. we are responsible for the world we shape around us.

because i choose to live and work in a world that is time limited for most....i am responsible to ensure that the world that i shape here for them is filled with contentment and peace. so i make that conscious effort....i nuture contentment and peace and i insist that whenever humans walk thru our gates they do the same in here.

if i say...saints is a place of respect and kindness, that it is a place of compassion and positive energy, that these animals will live in an environmemt that makes them feel happy and safe...then i learn how to keep my sadness contained, i learn how to take my frustrations in every day living and find solutions for them in a positive way. i take my occasional deep anger and move it away from here and them.
i found my ways to do this....i write this blog...luckily, the animals can't read...and i work at an outside job that i basically love. (except for the bullshit, nothing to do with patient care things)...i use humour to put things into perspective...and..i touch the faces of those who trust me to make everything as good in their world as i can. they are the best reminder of how i should be feeling.

it works pretty well for me...not all of the time, because i am human...but no negative mood hangs onto me for very long.

years ago, when i ran a cat shelter...i felt this palatable feeling of goodness and contentment whenever i walked in the door....i felt it from the animals and i felt it from the others that worked there, along side of me. did you know that true kindness and unending respect seeps into the air that surrounds you, that you breathe deep into your lungs...that it becomes an almost physical thing that you can feel next to your skin?

i felt that there.....i brought that here. i know that priceless value that this brings to the animals in my care.
and this is why the ones who love saints, come here over and over and over again...it is not just because they love our animals...it is because they live in a very small world that truly does love them too.

and remember what i said before...love is not just an airy/fairy thing...it is demonstrated actions...of committment, of caring, of taking really good physical care of them...and ensuring that everyday, every moment of every day...respect, kindness, compassion, cooperation and caring for them and for each other.....infiltrates the very air we all share and breathe.

that is my deep thought for today....that is how i brought saints into being.

for those who do not know me...i really am not a bitch..i am just a flawed human trying to protect the beautiful and heartrending magic of rescuing old and leaky animals.
i am the guardian of end of life saints and the very air that surrounds them and keeps them safe.