i did go back to my room around 9...the buddies velcro'd in, the cockers coughed softly on top of my pillows and i read my book. there was a little commotion on the floor at the end of the bed...i looked up and saw al playing with his ball...al plays whenever the mood strikes him. he plays quietly all by himself..doesn't care what the rest of the world is up to, he just does what he likes to do....very non intrusively..somehow the very air naturally expands around him while he plays so it just seems so natural.
then i saw a wobbly pointy nose playing too.....ahhhhhhh.....al was playing with 4lane, not with his ball. they played for a good 15 minutes all around the bottom of the bed and right up the side next to me. 4lane wobbling uncoordinatingly, poking als neck and face with his nose, al gently nudging him back with his head.
4lane had this wide, full face joyful smile...his eyes literally glowed with happiness. al pushed him up onto the dog bed next to my head and i reached out to stroke his head....4lanes face brought tears to my eyes...he looked at me, never had i seen him so incredibly happy.
eventually 4lane laid down and went to sleep...al laid there looking at him for a few minutes to make sure the game was done and then quietly went to the other bed to sleep.
i turned off the light and went to sleep...they helped me find my peace.
roff is right..this is not about tomorrow or yesterday..it is about this moment now..whatever it happens to be.
i need to get over myself and out of their way....they can handle this end of life thing absolutely fine.