apollo has been hanging by a very thin quality of life thread since he got here. between his diabetes and his cushings, neither of which we have been able to control really well, he just barely held on to feeling not bad with periodic slides into out and out illness.
i had spoken with the vet during his last crash a couple of months ago and we decided with the next one, that we would let him go.
the truth of this matter is that i precipitated this last crash. i was so wrapped up in daphne yesterday..that i totally forgot to do the morning insulins. by the time i remembered, they were 6 hours late..so everyone got their morning doses then and a reduced dose again at midnight so that i could get them back on schedule again this morning.
most diabetics can handle the occasional screw up...apollo can't. it shot his already high and uncontrolled bloodsugars right out in space and he felt like absolute shit today. we could have left him at the clinic on iv insulin drips for a couple of days and gotten him back down to the mid 20's which is where he normally sits. but...whether it was my fault or not, i had already decided that apollo was tired of playing the sick cat, poke the cat, shove the pill down the poor cat's throat game, without ever really feeling like he was gaining much of anything.
so when i took him in this morning, i told the vet i screwed up his insulin dosing yesterday but still felt that apollo had had enough and wanted to be done with it all. she felt that 2 years was long enough for him to have to deal with our trying to help him and she agreed that it was time to let him be free.
anyway...so far this post has been about the events leading to the decision...not about apollo himself. and i don't know if i can somehow describe to you the beauty of the cat inside apollo. he has been so kind and gentle. he has been beyond patient since i have known him. he was just a very sick little cat with not only diabetes, but one of the very few actually affected by cushings which no one really knew what to do with. and thru it all...the overdosing with the cushings med leading to the addisonian crises, his bout of severe pancreatitis, to me poking him morning and night and plus the extra bloodsugar curves....he was just so kind and forgiving. never once did he make me feel like i was mean, never once did he retailate in fear or pain, never once did he ever become anyone other than apollo, a wonderfully sweet little cat.
i will miss apologising to him each morning and night as i stuck another needle in. i will miss telling him that he was an astounding cat to have such a kind and patient demeanor. i will miss saying good night and kissing the top of his head and feeling his answering purr vibrating against my lips.
you were a very good cat apollo, rest well in peace now....no more poking you sweetie and i am so sorry i screwed up your insulin yesterday.