i did not want to grow up to be a wife, a mother, a nurse or a rescuer....i wanted to grow up to be the president of the united states.
ok so that did not happen.
when i was a teenager, i still wanted to be none of the above..i wanted to be an architect (i love old buildings)
but i learned that what you want to be and what you are meant to be can be vastly different. wanting and being are not the same, at some point you have to accept the reality. and reality is always more rewarding than fantasy.
some things you can learn to grow into..i never wanted to be an idiot either, i wanted to be a thoughtful and considering kind of person. i wanted to be able to think things thru clearly and see all the hidden and intricate angles of things.
so i try to train myself to look deeper than the superficial surface..i want to see what is underneath.
i do not want to be a shallow puddle that dries up as soon as the sun comes out, i want to be an ocean that holds a whole universe inside it.
good luck on this one too...for now i am just peering into puddles to see if there is anything in there. i suppose you have to start somewhere.
this is why i like animals so much. even tho doris is driving me nutz because i do not know the answer to what is going on inside her...i still am interested in the challenge. i like figuring things out about the animals that makes both their and my life easier.
i have a real obsession to find the truth of someone inside. it is like peeling back an onion, layer upon layer of still an onion but the possibility that something else is in there, something i did not expect to find.
i like taking on dogs like kodi and finding exactly what i expect to see...a busy body, pain in the ass cattledog bent on bugging as many others as he possibly can...it was what he was bred to be.......
a canine hall moniter.
and i like watching animals grow...(probably because people are so afraid of growth, like we think to get bigger and better inside somehow made us wrong in the first place)..so i like to watch al grow from a dog who would drag another by the head across the floor of the shop, to a dog who will actually remove hiimself when someone is really pissing him off. i just find this amazing in him.
i think deep down even animal lovers are contemptuous of animals..i think we think we are not like them at all. i think we are afraid to admit that we are just another species of animal that happens to walk straight and tall.
i think we are afraid to admit that we do not know it all, that we are as clueless as they are in many ways. we have no idea why we are where we are, we have no idea why we are who we are, we have no idea why we live the life we do.
that is why we feel envy, that is why we feel jealous, that is why we feel we deserve more than someone else..that is why we think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence because in a lot of ways we think just like a dog.
sigh..that is my puddle gazing quest for today.