please excuse me here because my head still hurts..

there are times when i think i should stop trying to explain things, when i start to grasp that seeking understanding is different than having to defend. that sometimes people are asking certain things not because they are interested or don't quite understand...but because they are looking for ways to hurt me. not saints, not the animals..but me personally.

i am not talking about william here...as far as i can know or tell, i do believe he is someone who just happens to not completely agree with what we do around here....and honestly that is ok. he is right folks...and we all know it...we could do it better with less animals...i am just not too comfortable with what would happen to all of the rest. and i do console myself with the knowledge, that even with less for them...most of them have actually found more.

it is sad isn't it.

but in re-reading the comments last night, a light bulb went on somewhere else and i realized one of the posters maybe wasn't completely honest in asking certain questions again.

my headache got worse...outright paranoia or a highly developed intuitive warning system?
i am never quite sure until the shit hits the fan again and i know my instincts were correct.

people accuse me of being controlling and honestly, i truly am (about some things.)

but i do have so little control about the actual actions of others and their ripple effects.

unless i am stupid enough to hand over the key....then it comes back to my own actions of trusting stupidly.

so let me make this clear here...you cannot truly bury me under, forever never to rise unless you are absolutely willing and able to sacrifice the animals lives. so before you act...think about the ripple effect and what it will truly mean to the animals.

there are things you can't turn back from, there are consequences to others you can never ignore, there are possible past moments at your own life end that you will remember and be truly ashamed for.

hatred is something that makes us do terrible things..nothing good ever comes from letting that all consuming fire direct our thinking, our actions, our conscience.

i have to honestly say that i carry no hate for any others inside me...but i carry a great deal of fear because one night a bad headache and emotional exhaustion may make me stupid enough to put the animals at risk here.

william..i am sorry...i will never put a sticky, ask me anything question flag on the top of the blog....it would be fine for up front and honest folks to use to learn and understand something better..but that is not the only things it could be used for.

i should have thought about this before....duh.