Rescue Journal

my eyes are closely watching....

Carol  ·  Oct. 24, 2010

perdy and maude....i am starting to wonder about both of them. and while i care deeply for perdy..she is not my maude so i am looking at perdy a little more clearly.

perdy is becoming frustrated by her disability....the effort her weakeness costs her is starting to wear her down...she is starting to lose weight, it is hard for her to settle and her quality of life just isn't that good...at best we are maintaining her at a slow down hill slide....she isn't having any fun any time anymore. for some dogs this is ok...they just quietly seek out a bed to comfortably rest as the days go by...but perdy is not that kind of dog...she wants to run and run...she is a not a passive living kind of dog.

maude is twisting me.....while she still runs around the fields each day and she still shoves her head between all of our knees and she still can find every single canned cat food bowl to steal...these things only happen when she is alert and concentrating...the rest of the time she staggers, she circles, she can't even decide how to make herself move.

it is like maude has a switch inside her that turns on and off the 18 year old dog...it is like she gives herself a battery surge and then it sputters out and once again she is frail and lost. i don't know what to make of it....this ability she has to jump start herself for a few minutes several times a day. but the jump starts only last for a very brief period and then she is ancient, frail and demented again.

and it is those hours of truly ancient dementia that saddens me as i watch this dog i don't know...unsure and vulnerable in her shadow world.....it is the shining bright maudie, the master of her universe that i used to know.

there is something so sad in seeing a fighting dog fading away in the shadows of really extreme old age...especially one that you love with all of you heart.

i have lost most of my old friends now.....wilbur, bill, tally, cleo, mugsy, lexi, copper, daffy duck dog, tyra...i just have maudie left of the old ones that i fully gave away my heart to...and of course little daphne..the new younger generation of dog to break my heart one day.

so when the time comes...maude will be harder than perdy for me. for perdy i will be able to decide what is best for her...maudie will get tied up in what is best for her and how much is it going to hurt me.

i think perdy will get the better deal from me.

Comments

Carol

as much as i am not fond of the name bambi...she is used to it now...she was in the shelter for a few weeks and she knows bambi means her because she was a staff favorite there. no point in confusing her again with another name when she is just learning the new one she already has....not much is too familiar to her right now...at least she kind of knows who she is.

i just have decided she actually looks more like a dumpling then a mushroom....whatever...renee says she dances for food!

Leila

I googled the lyrics to the song FANCY because I didn't know what song Laura was referring to. For anyone who is interested, here are the lyrics - kind of a sad song.

I remember it all very well lookin' back
It was the summer I turned eighteen
We lived in a one room, rundown shack
On the outskirts of New Orleans
We didn't have money for food or rent
To say the least we were hard pressed
Then Mama spent every last penny we had
To buy me a dancin' dress

Mama washed and combed and curled my hair
And she painted my eyes and lips
Then I stepped into a satin' dancin' dress
That had a split from the side clean up to my hip
It was red velvet trim and it fit me good
Standin' back from the lookin' glass
There stood a woman where a half grown kid had stood

She said here's your one chance Fancy don't let me down
She said here's your one chance Fancy don't let me down

Mama dabbled a little bit of perfume on my neck
And she kissed my cheek
Then I saw the tears wellin' up in her troubled eys
As she started to speak
She looked at a pitiful shack and then she looked at me and took a ragged breath
She said your Pa's runned off and I'm real sick
And the baby's gonna starve to death

She handed me a heart shaped locket that said
"To thine own self be true"
And I shivered as I watched a roach crawl accross
The toe of my high heeled shoe
It sounded like somebody else that was talkin'
Askin' "Mama what do I do?"
She said just be nice to the gentlemen Fancy
They'll be nice to you

She said here's your one chance Fancy don't let me down
Here's your one chance Fancy don't let me down
Lord forgive me for what I do,
But if you want out, well it's up to you
Don't let me down now, your Mama's gonna move you uptown

Well, that was the last time I saw my Ma
When I left that rickety shack
The welfare people came and took the baby
Mama died and I ain't been back
But the wheels of fate had started to turn
And for me there was no way out
And it wasn't very long 'til I knew exactly
What my Mama'd been talkin' about

I knew what I had to do and I made myself this solemn vow
That I's gonna be a lady someday
Though I didn't know when or how
But I couldn't see spending the rest of my life
With my head hung down in shame you know
I might have been born just plain white trash
But Fancy was my name

She said here's your one chance Fancy don't let me down
She said here's your one chance Fancy don't let me down

It wasn't long after that benevolent man
Took me in off the street
And one week later I was pourin' his tea
In a five room hotel suite

I charmed a king, congressman
And an occasional aristocrat
Then I got me a Georgia mansion
In an elegant New York townhouse flat
And I ain't done bad

Now in this world there's a lot of self-righteous
hippocrates
That would call me bad
And criticize Mama for turning me out
No matter how little we had

But though I ain't had to worry 'bout nothin'
For nigh on fifteen years
I can still hear the desperation in my poor
Mama's voice ringin' in my ear

Here's your one chance Fancy don't let me down
O Here's your one chance Fancy don't let me down
Lord, forgive me for what I do
But if you want out well it's up to you
Now don't let me down
You Mama's gonna move you uptown

I guess she did

Song Writer: Bobbi Gentri
Singer: Reba McEntire

Brenda

What about Fanny - from Funny Girl? - cuz she is kind of a funny looking girl. I'm not sure she's a Fancy. By the way Laura, the sweater you put on her looked really cute. I'm assuming it was you.

Laura

We already have a Thumper.....how about Fancy...she like the girl in the song came from humble beginnings but she will overcome!

Brenda

I kind of like Thumper too! She certainly has the body form of a Thumper, rather than a Bambi! Whatever you choose is fine - as long as she loses the name Bambi.

Brenda

On a different note: I really think we should change Bambi's name - It just doesn't suit her. Carol and I were talking about it today. The shelter named her before she came to SAINTS. I'm thinking maybe Betty, Connie, or even Dinah or Blanche? What do you think? Anything would be better than Bambi- even "Thumper" suits her more.
It was great having a couple of extra volunteers (Ashley and Linda) along with the regulars today - lots of dogs had baths and some extra grooming too - and loads of attention for everyone!

Suzanne

I don't envy you this at all. I have lost 5 since 2002. two were easy... the were Pug littermates, both 13 years old, and both had Mast Cell cancer. When they became "uncomfortable" (like when it was coursing through their lymphatic systems), I sent them on. The three Shelties were a whole lot harder... one had bladder cancer, and I kept him here too long because I couldn't imagine life without him. Another had devastating Inflamatory Bowel Disease. I kept her here waaaaay too long... treking her from vet to vet to vet school desperately hoping one of them would be able would be able to diminish the toll the disease was taking on her then 13 year old body. Because I had kept the two of them going longer than I should have, I fear I let the last one go too soon simply because I didn't want to make the same mistake with him that I had made with them. He was 15, had developed a grade 4 heart murmer, was in the midst of what the vet euphamistically called a "bleeding event" and was having difficulty breathing. But he was still eating up a storm. I was told that he would not survive the anesthesia/surgery needed to fix what was wrong with him and I could either take him home and watch him try to breathe, or I could send him on. It REALLY SERIOUSLY sucks.

Carol Ann

charlotte's comment is right on-- i just had to make the decision for my old dog last month. it is never easy but you have to trust your ownjudgement. I think in the end we are pretty close to being right.It is very difficult cause they can't talk. I always go by the look in their eyes it speaks volumes.

Charlotte

Like everyone I don't envy you the decisions you're forced to make on such a regular basis.

I've had a few, myself, that I KNEW (in retrospect) that I forced them to exist too long. At the time, my mind was always clouded with the thought of the house (and my life) without them. And each time that's happened, I swear to myself that Next Time, I'll pick the Right Time. Of course more often than not there IS no Right Time. So hard to know, without being able to ask them, if they're ready to go.

I will say, though, that when *my* time comes (providing it's legal by then, Please God), those around me are able to recognize when I'm not having fun anymore, and don't force me to hang on just because they'll miss me. A hypocritical hope, since I have such a hard time doing that for the dogs & cats in my care!

Francesca Wilson

Dear Carole, Marie and I will be at SAINTS on Wednesday to clean barns and fields. Take care.
francesca

Linda

What sad and difficult choices you make every day for the saints. Having had a dal, I know they don't give up easily. In the end you'll do what is right for each and every one of them.