little mister

little mister has been a mass of total destruction since he accidently came into our care. he was originally destroyed in a puppy mill, found his way into rescue and then into a home. sounds like a warm and fuzzy fairy tale but really it is not.

little mister's destruction began and ended inside that puppy mill. by the time he got out of there his legs and feet were bent and twisted, his hips and spine were deformed, his teeth were all abcessed, he was totally deaf and he was blind from glaucoma. he also hated every single human being on the face of the earth.

he ended up in an adoptive home with a very tolerant elderly woman with a lot of health issues of her own. she was fine with mister just wandering around and not wanting to be touched. when she took him into the vets and realized the huge chunk of change this dog needed for all of his woes..she simply did not have the money and neither did the rescue he came from. she asked if we could cover his vet costs..i said ok as long as he was signed over to us. he could still be her foster but we would be responsible for making any decisions about his care...i was really worried about how long her own health would last. so over the next while mister surgically lost most of his teeth and both of his eyes....and he began to seizure.

she ended up in the hospital twice in the next couple of years and while she was in..little mister came here. i knew all about him from regular reports from the vets, i knew this dog was an absolute horror and when he was here, i saw it first hand. the third time that she went in to hospital, she didn't come home again so little mister finally became a real saint and stayed here.

since little mister came i have been conflicted...honestly this dog had no real quality of life...he is blind, he is deaf, he is riddled with deformities and arthritis, he hates human beings and he goes into a killing rage whenever he is touched....and he seizures.

BUT..he seemed to enjoy wandering around, he sometimes liked to share a bed with yoshi and doris and he really liked food. so we did the only two things we could do for him...give him constant access to grazing around for canned food and stayed out of his way so as to not piss him off.

i have not seen little mister's face since he came here..i don't even know what his face looked like. his head was always low as he surfed around the ground and if i had to pick him up his head was wrapped in a towel so he couldn't bite.

i have kind of been waiting for mister to have some kind of health crises so i could reasonably make the decision to end his life. as per usual, little mr. refused to cooperate. the last few months started the downward slide...he seizured aa bit more than he did before, he wasn't interested in doris or yoshi any more..all he cared about was food.

this morning when i went into the medical room at 8 am to grab marvin for his check up, i could hear misters panicked squeak. i went looking for him and he was under the table rolled up against the wall and his bed. he couldn't get out, he just wasn't strong enough any more. and he was covered in urine and feces so i am assuming he was seizuring at some point.

i grabbed a thick towel and wrapped it around his head and proceeded to remove him from his entrappment. mister was in a rage, how dare i touch him. i got him out and safely on the floor and grabbed marvin cuz i was late and ran. when i got back from the vets, it was time to clean little mister up so i again wrapped him in a towel and carried him to the kitchen sink. with a towel still wrapped around his head, i got him cleaned up and blowed dried but not without totally traumatizing the poor little guy.

he was beyond angry, if he could have killed me, he most definitely would..but that little dog was far too wrecked to be any kind of real threat...his vulnerability made me cry.

i called the clinic and took him down for a consult with our vet. i told her what his life was like and she could see it all for herself...she has cared for little mister since he came in.

colleen helped me make the decision and little mister was sedated. for the very first time i could brush his hair back and look into his face...his little missing eyes had healed really well, his little tongue hung out a bit, it was very cute. he had a beautiful and soft lovely face as he laid there asleep. i felt a deep sadness and regret as the final injection came and he passed peacefully away.

i should have done it a long time ago...or maybe i shouldn't have done it at all...i don't know what the right thing was here..i just know that i regret every moment of it all.

rest in peace little mister..i know it sounds weird but i did from a safe distance... love you.