How I Became a Loser...
It's funny how your life can change in the blink of an eye. I used to think I was cool. Now a few days later everyone in the whole entire world thinks I am a GIGANTIC LOSER.
All I did was go into Vancouver with my friends to enjoy the street hockey parties. It was supposed to be fun. The next thing I know, I am not only in the middle of a riot, but I was an active part of the rioting crowd. I just joined in and got swept along, it was fun, it was exciting.
And suddenly, in just a few hours I became a loser to the entire planet. Even the terrorist groups thought we were lame, stupid and spoiled baby brats burning shit up for no reason at all except for the loss of a hockey game. I don't really know how it all got so out of hand and why I went so crazy with the crowd.
And there is no one I can talk to about this either right now because everyone who was there is pretending they weren't and everyone else in the world thinks we are all LOSERS.
At breakfast the next morning my mom said to me.."honey, you were not part of those losers going crazy downtown last night were you?
"No Ma, I wasn't anywhere near there."
"Well that's good dear because I couldn't have ever held my head up again if you were. I heard Johnny Smith was down there and his mother hasn't stopped crying yet from the embrassment of raising such a loser."
My Uncle Jack stopped by after lunch and I heard him talking to my dad..."did you see those freak show losers on TV last night?"
My dad said he did and he was glad no son of his was an idiot loser like those guys were.
I decided the only safe place that I could go was to confession and unburden my soul. When I was finished telling the priest about what I had done..there was silence on the other side of the confessional wall.
I asked the priest if he was going to give me Hail Mary's to cleanse my soul and put me right with God. He said no there was no point because God thought I was a loser too.
I used to be cool and then one night, I became a UNIVERSAL HEAVEN AND EARTH LOSER.
Being this BIG of a LOSER is so not cool.