there are things here that i love about saints...the soft, quiet moments of gentleness that i every day get to share. then there are the same kind moments i witness as a passerby between the animals and the staff and volunteers...and.... even those more special moments that i see between the animals themselves.
it is easy just to get wrapped up in the hard work, the never ending mess, the absolute chaos, the hassles, the headaches...the hopelessness of living on the constant edge. it is easy to feel defeated, depleted, shell shocked from the constant demands.
when i get to see our past saints who occasionally come for a visit...i can so clearly see why we do what we do..because hope will always float until it finally sinks. for the ones like bibi who never do find a real home, it is humbling to be awarded their trust and conviction that it is really ok, saints is a good enough home for them even on their very last day.
but there lurks a deeper and darker sadness then just the inevitable and natural passings of our elderly and disabled two way loves. it is the ones who cross over before this is home, before they feel safe and wrapped in love....before their upside down worlds turn right side up again.
and that is the saddest of all endings.
the only consolation i can find in the unexpected and sudden loss of monkey..is he is free. no more pain, no more trauma, no more uncertainty.
rest in peace monkey, i am so sorry you died unhappy.