the scary place

i stopped into the vets to talk about noelle...her amylase is elevated so pancreatitis is a possibility. no way to know if there is an underlying pancreatic cancer at the bottom of it all without an ultra sound or an xray.

anyway..i stopped in because the staff couldn't get her to take her meds and noelle is not a dog you shove pills down her throat...so i was looking for some injectible antibiotics and pain meds (which they kindly gave me.)

grhhhh...when i was talking to the vet i started to get all freaking weepy, trying to keep my voice steady and not so successsfully trying to bury the tears ( so uncomfortably unprofessional!) i just do not do well with watching them seemingly irredeemingly suffering. i want to know what we are dealing with and i want a plan for her to feel better and i want drugs to give her so she at least feels temporarily better right now.

if she is not significantly better by morning i will drop her off at the vets for IV fluids and xrays. and even this worries me because if she is at the end of her road...i don't want her final days or hours to be full of not only suffering but upsetting medical procedures. AND i certainly do not want to end her life if she does in fact have a simple pancreatitis that time and meds will heal.

i call this the scary place....where you have no idea what to do and you are afraid to act too quickly and jump to conclusions or wait too long and make them feel like crap for no reason because you are going to be letting them go.

all i know is that i want the exactly right freaking answer for noelle and i want it now...it kills me to see her so sick and not know what to do to help her.