here is the thing about charlotte and wilbur...
Carol · Oct. 26, 2011
and really...just about rescue in general.
i took those two pigs in..knowing we were too full and they were going to be a huge burden. the chances of finding a good, life long pet big farm pig home is pretty damn small. so i also know that they could well be living here forever. i should have said no. but i didn't cuz i couldn't..not after seeing what they had already lived thru.
cuz here is the thing about pigs..they are so freaking intelligent and so very sensitive and such self aware victims of intentional or simple ignorant callous cruelty in our thoughtless human world.
anyway..i had no business offerring them a place at saints except i knew if we stretched and made some concessions..we actually could provide them with a good and permanent home if we had to and we could ensure that no matter what..they, like ellie mae..would escape forever the horrible and normal reality of millions of pigs every day.
luckily we just became a stopping ground...a 3 or 4 week safe transfer point before the last part of their journey to home occured. i talked to rick today and he said their new home is wonderful..the people surrounding them are wonderful...they found a real life pig heaven on earth.
i have been really stressed for the past few weeks...knowing i shouldn't have taken them in..knowing still..it was the right thing to do. the bottom line is.... i am starting to think that i might just have horse shoes up my ass for things to generally work out as well as they do. we have our ups and downs...we have our good days and bad..but we always manage to stumble on thru to the daylight again.
i operate on a lot of faith here....faith that we can and will do what we say we will do...faith that somehow, somewhere the money to pay all of the bills will come thru...faith that we can stretch a bit here and there..even if it hurts a little to embrace another in need.... faith that we do have the knowledge and skill, the strength and the committment to do a good and responsible job as we work to rescue animals.
so today as i think about the story of wilbur and charlotte...part of me is at peace that i am who i am and will really try to rise to an animal in need challenge..and part of me is breathing a deep sigh of relief that these sweet pigs are no longer my responsibility.
it could have gone a lot of different ways...we could have said no and then i am not sure what was the next option for them...or we could have said yes with the hope of finding them a perfect home but accepting the possibility that that home may never have come.
charrlotte and wills have reinforced for me...that rescue is a bit of a crap shoot..you never know what the dice will finally say.
this time we all won..charlotte, wilbur, brenda and saints. was it a lucky throw of the dice? or was it fate? are we just a good but random part of the cosmos of chaos that swirls around in every day life? or is there some kind of master plan where we do have a purpose to whoever developed that plan?
i don't know. but i don't want us to be operating on just pure luck because luck can eventually disappear. and i don't want to be turning desperate animals away if we could stretch a bit for them..if we are SUPPOSED to stretch a bit for them to right a horrible wrong in their circle of life..cuz then we would just mess up fate's perfect plan...and i bet that is not a great thing at anytime.
but if we are just a random unmonitered speck of cosmic goodness..then as much or as little good that we do..is probably ok. and i won't have to freak myself out by depending on faith and taking such big chances that everything will eventually work itself out in a decent way.
so the thing about wilbur and charlotte is.... now that it is over and done with and everything turned out really great..i am content with the risks i sometimes take. but i am telling you sometimes living in rescue is like teetering on the side of a very high cliff...the chances are equal that you will either stay safe on solid ground or....you will freaking well fall.
i am deathly afraid of heights because i always feel like i am GOING to fall...i am pretty sure that falling hurts....and that's why helping those pigs made me so very afraid.
so my new cliff that i am standing on tonight, trying so hard to have faith....
i am hoping fate has another good plan in place and everything is going to go well tomorrow when i pick up the three new little ones who are taking doris, merry and cherry's places... i am painfully stretching us a little bit more again.
please let them like it here..let them be happy.... that is all i need to know that this decision to step up and help them is also ok.