rescue is full of second guessing, full of doubts, full of mistakes made and regrets..it is so full of those things that is not much room left victory dances. by the time victory happens (if it actually does) not only are you exhausted by the battles leading up to it but there are already new large and small battles forming up.
so today i look at percy..traumatized, not eating, not pooping with fluid dripping from his mouth and nose and i see a giant mistake suffering before me. maybe in a few weeks i wll feel differently, maybe i will be glad i did what i did and so will he.
and today i looked at daphne in her cage with her cone, with a tube to pump fluids in and a tube to drain it out again and i know there is still more trauma coming her way without an answer on if she will die or live.
let's face it..i only did right for both of them if they get to happily enjoy life for the next 15 or more years..but if i just put them thru hell for their last couple of weeks, i totally fucked up on them.
you absolutely cannot put a positive spin on this kind of decision making....i either got it 100% right or god forbid, 100% wrong.
anyway..the vet was here to see percy..the fluid dripping out is in his trachea, doesn't sound like it is in his lungs. he had more long acting antibiotic and pain med injections, and i have a couple of injectible doses for over the weekend if he needs. he did just have a poop so we just need to get him to start eating and then we can switch him to oral pain meds. the swelling and incision look good and overall..the vet is pleased.
the plan for daph is her iv comes out today but the urinary suprapubic cathetor stays in...she comes home to cage confinement tomorrow and then in a week or so we take her back for round two.
and i have to figure out how to get thru the doubting phase of loving and trying to do the best we can these two without feeling totally like shit.
I PVR'd the bionic vet today http://www.fitzpatrickreferrals.co.uk/
Sometimes it is hard to watch as people seem to want to do anything they can for their animal.....and these cases are pretty severe.
He is always very good at educating them about when they might be getting to the point of doing more harm than doing good and he will not recommend treatments etc. He is pretty amazing as he values all animals lives and said that if they are living and are able, the should not be denied a chance. He is the first guy I have seen refer to them as sentient beings and appreciate them for themselves and their life spirits.
One thing he said today that reminded me of Percy was that his job is "to help life and help as long as there is hope......but not to help if one is only hoping". I hope I got that right from memory.....but it reminds me of this situation & your hope floats mantra.
Saints & the vets are helping because there is hope vs just intervening because you are hoping. I think that can help one know they are making the right decisions?
Best wishes Percy. Maybe an animal communicator can help him understand why he is going thru this? Maybe one could donate a reading?