and it is the day we all try to adjust to the empty space that used to be filled with her. it is fleeting thoughts like..i better go do dusty's insulin..oh...no i don't... she is gone. it is worrying about lucky feeling alone now so running out there to check and put back on the sound of music for her..that movie is cheerful.
it is thinking about who might like moving over with lucky and would be a good match and how to do the switch over so the one going in doesn't feel kicked out of the house and blind lucky feels comfortable with someone new and unknown.
and it is about regurgitating over and over 3 short hours and questioning all of the decisions made.
dusty came in from chilliwack animal control several years ago...she was a senior, blind, emaciated, backyard, untreated diabetic dog. we never did achieve great bloodsugar control..every few months her insulin dose went up a bit more. she finally was somewhat stabilized this past year at a varying dose of 35-37 units twice daily depending on her polydypsia/polyuria symptoms each day. the years of untreated diabetes caused her blindness and screwed up her kidneys as well and she had real problems for the past few months with knee arthritis too since that horrible bout of hind leg cellulitis a couple of years ago.
dusty was the boss of the mp room...when she was finished her own...she always stole the last part of lucky's food. she did not like men that she did not know but unknown women and children were ok. and not many people got to see her jumping around and acting like a goofy puppy but she did that on somedays. she liked to go for walks and tear the shit out of stuffies and she was utterly obsessed over food. the staff at emergency were so kind at her ending...they brought her cookies and peanut butter...one of the girls even rifled thru her own lunch and gave her some homemade chocolate chip cookies...dusty really liked those!
she was a highly intelligent and flexible dog who lived in her blind world well by learning to use her other senses. she never let her blindness disable her and she could pretty much always figure out, where she was, where she was going and who was with her within seconds. she saw any new dog over 25 pounds as a potential threat and would jump them immediately but she was totally fine with any little guys. it took her a long time to accept lucky and even then they did occasionally scrap over food until lucky learned just to give way and we all learned not to give them certain long lasting things, like chew stix and rawhides.
i may question what ultimately became her last few hours but i don't question at all her last few years...dusty was happy, well loved by all of the staff and volunteers and liked living here.
the problem is that none of us saw this coming, and i was not prepared to be making life and death decisions for her or dealing with the loss of her yet..i thought she would be happily living here for several more years.
and that is the problem with life and living with animals..it is unpredictable.
love them well...everyday.... suddenly one day, they won't be here.
Dusty, I love you and will miss you very much. but I am happy for you because there is no pain and suffering but only happiness and fun at the Rainbow Bridge.
I am glad I told you I loved you when I worked with you and when I left you.
Thank you for touching my life. It will never be the same without you. I love you. Thank you.