Rescue Journal

sometimes i occupy my mind...

Carol  ·  Jul. 10, 2012

dreaming about undisturbed sleeping...or winning the lottery. both of them manage to elude me in real life.

but some dreams do come sanctuaries for old and messed up animals.

but i wouldn't need to be dreaming of sleeping or of winnng the big one if certain other dreams didn't actually materialize.

careful what you dream for cuz you might get it. if i got some undisturbed sleep and a whole shit load of money, that would be good..right????
i will probably never find out.

pepper screamed for a good portion of last night...he wanted out of the laundry area and since i was tryng to sleep and not up and able to watch him, i was unable to let him. then there were the mosquitos who decided to invade the house last night...i sprayed myself with off but then i felt icky and sticky and didn't feel comfortable in my skin. throw in a few hot flashes and a couple of restless dogs and my much longed for bedtime pretty much sucked.

and since we are sucking fumes for money and the bills are piling up, my already wide awake and not happy mind, flipped into worrying myself into ulcer mode. ann said to me you know there is no money in the bank..the reciever general is due and it is payroll this week. are we just carrying on and waiting for something good to happen?
pretty much, yes.

i think this is one of the things i hate most about rescue...the living teetering on the edge. there is no predictability. no sense of everything is ok.

long term and seemingly stable dogs like lucky crash in the blink of an eye...animals that you worry about gideon, smokey, zsu zsu, and esther hang in and keep going for a very long time.

and it is weird about the people thing..i get so frustrated with folks who just show up here wanting some need of their own to be instantly met...and at other times...

like yesterday...

i pull into the driveway and a find a lady sitting quietly and unobtrusively in the brutal heat by the fence watching charlotte and wills. i can see that she wants nothing other than to be close to them, so i without the least bit resentment...offer her a quick tour.
i know that feeling...not needing or wanting anything from them other than just being near to them. the sight, the sound, the smell of them, fills up my soul.

life around here is so unpredictable. you never really know what is around the next corner...could be a sleepless night, could be an end of life, could be another bill or a self serving person wanting some need to be filled, could be a save the day cheque in the mail, could be gideon eating really well..or it could just be a quiet stranger who you can see, lives and breathes animals just like you.

anyway, currently i am dreaming of money and sleep..probably won't get either but you can bet, good or bad...i will most likely unexpectedly get something.


Carol Ann

Something good will happen to me today. have hope. I live with this thought it keeps me hanging on.