i don't know if it is always knowing and doing the exact right thing that makes us the better people or is it the struggling and searching to find the right thing that helps makes us eventually into better people.
i have loved and euthanized more animals than most people even know in their entire lives and i still do not know if i have the right to make the final decision to end an animals life.
what if death has its own way of ending a life the way it is meant to end. what if my assistence is not required and interfers with how life is supposed to naturally end.
if each spirit and soul has a natural progessive journey to finish before moving on to whatever comes after...maybe my involvement in ending an animals suffering sooner than later screws around with the bigger after life picture.
i often worry about that.
and i worry about doing rescue...what if what i am doing is actually unkind or cruel. maybe dead is better then being stuck in a shelter for the rest of a life.
or maybe this is right because being alive no matter what is worth living a shelter life.
i can drive myself crazy turning these thoughts inside and out. but the bottom line is, i do not have all of the answers or that helpful crystal ball so all i can do is the best that i can and hope i am not wrong.
sometimes the right answer is clear...raven is pretty damn happy here...he thinks i am making an ok choice. but the cosmos are pretty damn confusing i think..maybe the ins and outs are too complex for the human mind to figure out.
and what if i did have all of the right answers to every question i have...wouldthat make me a really good person or just a well written instruction manual.
i think it is the decisions we make while not really knowing which decision we should make..it is the choices that we consider before us and then the living with the consequences of those choices made that determines what kind of people we chose to be.
maybe there is no cosmic plan, maybe the cosmos just waits to see....who we in the end we decide to be and how we decided to get there.