sometimes you just have to slam into the same brick wall over and over again before you get it. my rescue career is littered with arguments...some big...some small. but i finailly see the pattern in all of the arguments i have had. it starts out with disagreements or hurt feelings and then it progresses to the adnauseaum listing of defenses..i did this because i have done and learned and i know all about that. well i have have done this and that so i know more about that.
honestly..the point of the argument is really not to make the other person actually understand where i am coming from. it becomes about my ego who feels under attack trying to defend myself by proving my fish is bigger.
how can i be so stupid for so long over and over again? if someone actually WANTS to know what i think or how i feel about something...they will ask me. hey carol..what do do think about this? or hey carol how to you feel about that? and then i can tell them what i think or feel. i don't need to offer up my entire resume. ten times out of ten no one asks why i think or feel the way i do so why would i toss that at them too?
jeezus..what is wrong with me to have not figured this out.
arguments are not a fair exchange of thoughts, ideas, experiences, philosphies, or beliefs..that would be a discussion. arguments are about winning..no one invests the time and energy just to get into a fight about something and then cheerfully shake hands...win or lose. arguments leave a bad taste behind with frustrated unresolved issues.
calling a draw with "we can agree to disagree" is a fallacy..our ego's are hard wired to win...(or at least mine is.)
and i can honestly say i have never even once actually won an argument so why am i still getting into them?
54 years old and still bizarro..my end of the year resolution is...it is time to just shut up.
never, ever "shut up", Carol.
you wouldn't be you if you didn't speak about something you strongly believe in.