sometimes you just have to slam into the same brick wall over and over again before you get it. my rescue career is littered with arguments...some big...some small. but i finailly see the pattern in all of the arguments i have had. it starts out with disagreements or hurt feelings and then it progresses to the adnauseaum listing of defenses..i did this because i have done and learned and i know all about that. well i have have done this and that so i know more about that.
honestly..the point of the argument is really not to make the other person actually understand where i am coming from. it becomes about my ego who feels under attack trying to defend myself by proving my fish is bigger.
how can i be so stupid for so long over and over again? if someone actually WANTS to know what i think or how i feel about something...they will ask me. hey carol..what do do think about this? or hey carol how to you feel about that? and then i can tell them what i think or feel. i don't need to offer up my entire resume. ten times out of ten no one asks why i think or feel the way i do so why would i toss that at them too?
jeezus..what is wrong with me to have not figured this out.
arguments are not a fair exchange of thoughts, ideas, experiences, philosphies, or beliefs..that would be a discussion. arguments are about winning..no one invests the time and energy just to get into a fight about something and then cheerfully shake hands...win or lose. arguments leave a bad taste behind with frustrated unresolved issues.
calling a draw with "we can agree to disagree" is a fallacy..our ego's are hard wired to win...(or at least mine is.)
and i can honestly say i have never even once actually won an argument so why am i still getting into them?
54 years old and still bizarro..my end of the year resolution is...it is time to just shut up.