so much stuff on my mind.... the losses of percy, riley, ollie, wilbur, flora and czar in the last month. plus me working so much.... the usual miscommunications, misunderstandings, conflicts, stressors..things to sort out and one of the past owners of some of our spca cruelty seized animals is determined to drive me insane. i don't care how much people bug me...end of story... i am simply not returning animals into neglectful or abusive homes.
two things that have been flitting in and out of my head were my needing some reassurence that a couple of our adoptive animals who i haven't heard from were doing well. i finally asked dawn today to follow up and she does not procrastinate like i do and was on it like a dirty shirt.
the first one was pinky...there are nights when i can't sleep because he pops into my head..that niggling worry and my very own guilt that i haven't gotten around to checking on him. anyway..dawn spoke to his family and pinky is currently well. he had a pretty horrible time of it a few months ago tho...he developed cancer and ended up losing part of his jaw and all of his teeth. apparently he almost died during surgery! he is fully recovered now, has a new wheelchair and is doing quite well.
i can now lay any worry about pinky's happiness to rest...his family obviously loves him and will do everything they possibly can for him...he is a lucky little dog.
maybe hasn't been gone for too long, but i was still worried about her...she is such an odd little cranky girl. dawn also spoke to her new family and maybe is good. her dad says she is a bit bitchy but that is ok with him..that is just the way pekes are and he loves the pekinese breed. i figure if maybe is bitchy then she is pretty darn happy..she really likes being the powerful big boss hag. and i like that her dad is so accepting of her.
so for all of my worries and things occupying my head..i can finally get pinky and maybe out of there cuz they are both doing good.
as an aside..chyna's dad phoned me today. she had a bit of a rough spot in the house destruction department but they are working it out with her and love her to bits.
i wanted to tell you guys..esp. the staff and volunteers...that when brent (our vet) called me the other night with czar's post mortum results..he said something that really touched me. he said that watching us all with czar, and our other animals, time and time again as they pass, that he suddenly realized how diffcult the work that we do is. we put everything we have into loving and caring for them well and then we stand together united when all else fails to bear sad witness their end...and.... we do it not just once or twice but over and over again.
this is the first time that i think that someone outside of saints really and truly understood how we felt.
it takes courage and strength to volunteer or work here day after day, year after year..it takes enormous personal committment to shelve our own sense of loss and sadness and continue to do our work. but here is the thing..the moment that czar passed away..the other animals still needed our compassion and caring. we can't walk away, check out and take a break to let our hearts heal. the other barn yard guys have to be allowed their own safe time to grieve..peluchi and oliver needed to be picked up from the vets. everyone needed something...a puddle cleaned up or a med to be given or a mid day snack for the ancient and frail. we stood there to be with him and we witnessed the passing of one that we loved and with saddend hearts, we returned to our jobs.
and it moved me that he really saw this..this silent reality of this senior and special needs caring..not the warm and fuzzy idea of it...but the real ofttimes sad and another day of difficult loss reality.