there are a grand total of 5,674 posts on this blog. the vast majority are mine. it occurs to me that if i actually ever went back and read them all again..i might well be horrified at what i find. i wonder how many mini and maxi meltdowns there are..how many times was my head way up my own ass..how many holier (or stupider) than thou's are there? how many times have i been an utter fool?
this is the problem with blogging...there are very many moments in my life on here..way more than just a few. and quite few of them are when my screws are coming loose.
whatever. if i am the sum of all of the posts on here...then i am the sum of 5.674 moments in time. but... in 54 years i have had many more moments than that in my life. in any case..i have been thinking a lot this past week about many things.
one of them was about rescue and me.
do you know why hard core marathoner's will run for god knows how many miles and hours..up hills, down hills and out in the pissing, freezing cold rain? it is because they are 100% committed to what they are doing.
i wouldn't run a single freaking mile for any kind of reason.....i. do. not. run.
so how does that relate to rescue? well... i can and will and do tackle both hills and valleys, even scary cliffs plus the occasional things that routinely piss rain down on me too. i do it because like a marathoner i am 100% committed to what i do. only in my case..it happens to be... i am committed to rescue.
i have invested far too much time and energy in trying to justify what i do. i want people to like me..i want people to respect me...i pretty much want everyone to like what i do.
i have been nursing for more than 20 years..i have the training, the education, the knowledge, the experience and our professionl standards of practice to do my job pretty damn well. i no longer need to prove myself...i know i am a very competent nurse.
but somehow i have never quite reached the same level of confidence in my rescue self. oh wait ...that's not true....i actually do know that i am a more than competent rescuer. i just worry if everyone else knows it. and why do i care?
the rescue world is full of all kinds of people with all kinds of opinions and beliefs. my job is not to try to get everyone to agree with or like me...my job is to use my knowledge, my experience, my own standards of practice and ensure saints continues to meet a high standard of animal care.
i am going to work on letting go of the personal stuff, on shutting the door on needing universal personal approval. this is so not about me..it absolutely has to be about the animals in our care.
i have no time or tears left to waste about me..i need those for them.
if i do this right..if i do this with the 100% focused committment on only the needs of animals here..i may be liked less...but..i might do a better job.
brit's blood work is back..maybe pancreatitis..maybe cushings. she goes back in on friday for more testing. halo's bloodwork wasn't too horrible..some anemia, low platelets and a few other things..all expected because of her bleeding so that was kind of good news.
we need to make appointments for tess for a pelvic check...and marj...her tumor is breaking down, plus oliver needs a recheck. the vets are coming to see clara again and maybe do an ultrasound.
both hay and shavings are being delivered to the barn tomorrow so we should be good right thru the holidays.
new dog eventually coming from nelson spca..shep is a 15 yr old incontinent BC with poor vision whose senior owner passed away...not sure how or when he will get here but i will let you know.