al looks like crap tonight. he tried to sneak out to the dog house but i saw him and brought him in thru the front door and up on to my bed. he is asleep right now and looks comfortable.
however...the weight is literally just falling off of him, pounds of it now. i think it is a matter of days before i have to make the decision to end his life.
these guys...they live here for years and years until i can't even picture saints without them, they have been such a huge part of us for so long. peluchi has slept on my bed for something like 2400 nights...he has gotten in my way and rolled himself up into my sheets and blankets every single time i try to change the bed. he has slept pressed up close to my legs for every night of his saints days...and for years he made us laugh as our swamp mutt/magic eraser dog (thx jenn for posting that!)
and al...we have watched him climb fences at 14, 15 and 16, and roll balls, hunt frogs, rip the shit out of toys for the last 5 of his incredible 19 years. he has shoved his head in between our legs, been the reliable timekeeper for memorial garden days, he has run and played and run and played and run and played and collected his special treats, snacks and cuddles all along the way.
how do you say good bye forever to peluchi, to al..to all of them that have come and gone and all of the others who will come and go too one day???
hundreds and hundreds have ended their lives here. i want all of them back and tonight....
i just want al to stay.