maybe he was doomed from the moment of his birth...a crappy breeder who created a sodium deficient, kidney flawed, hemophiliac puppy with a dicey temperment. maybe fletch was doomed even before his birth, maybe he was doomed at his conception because of a greedy, irresponsible human who was out to make money.
in any case...none of it was fletcher's fault....he had no control or choice over any of what he ws dealt.
maybe if he had gone somewhere besides here with us..maybe things would have gone better for him. mystic grew up here into a really nice dog...she learned all of the good things from the other dogs. but maybe fletcher because he was different, more broken, more flawed..maybe he learned too much of the negatives here of being a dog.
so many maybe's, so many if's, so many i wish's....
if fletcher had just gotten sick and died like we had expected..none of us would be dealing with the emotional chaos he leaving has created. we deal with death seems like almost every day...it is sad, it hurts but because we are powerless and it is expected, we are ok.
but fletch was not supposed to die this way.
somehow i have to let go of the darkness of his death and find again the light of fletch being fletch.
he was a good puppy in so many ways...sweet, affectionate, happy. he also was a pain in the ass like almost all puppies...busy, mouthy, almost always in the way.
in his very best moments, fletcher was sweet..affectionate and loving to his human and K9 family. and he was absolutely the cutuest puppy in the whole world..just looking at him would make the hardest heart melt.
when the other animals die here, we find comfort in that we took them in, we nutured them, we loved and cared for them when no one else would. and we did the same for fletcher, expecting his end would come when he was too sick to continue to live.
and i guess maybe this is where i need to get my head to...fletcher didn't die because he was a bad puppy or because i suck at rescue. he died because he was broken, past what i knew how to fix. the cards were stacked too high against him and me from the moment of his birth.
if he wasn't so sick...if he wasn't such an ass..if he wasn't bred by some loser for a few hundred bucks...maybe, just maybe, fletcher would have had a decent chance.
but all of the what if's will not change what is...and we lost a sweet 6 month old puppy because we couldn't change what he was.
rest in peace fletcher, you were the very best dog that life let you be and none of this was in any way your fault.
you drove me insane like all puppies do, but i will forever love you and hope with all of my heart that where ever you are now is the best of everything that you deserved from the very beginning.
sweet, innocent babe.