so sad without hubby sleeping next to me last night. but i am very glad he had such a good death. passing while sleeping is rare and i am very thankful to hubby that my opinion nor decision was not needed by him.
odie...now there is one who is tying me right up into knots. part of me feels so very sorry for him because he is so very, very upset. but there is a part of me that is totally pissed at him too because he is being such dickheaded, mean, out and out asshole freak out.
apparently he bit lynne yesterday...i am assuming she was just trying to get past him while he parked himself and claimed ownership of the kitchen doorway....he was doing that a lot yesterday. he is growling and threatening me now when i have to give him his insulin...he is beyond himself with frustrated anger about everything.
some of his frustration is over the cone...he freaking hates it and it keeps him in a foul mood. part of it is suspiciousness...he has lost trust in everyone because of the things we have had to do to him regarding his wounds lately. and part of it is odie is a jerk and prone to negatively over reacting anyway.
so..i have thought about this and there three things i absolutely cannot change...he has to wear the cone for now because he is dangerous and he needs to leave his wounds and drain alone so they can heal. he absolutely has to have his insulin twice every day if he doesn't he will become very ill. and in two weeks he has to go back into the vets for one more gawd awful experience to get the staples and drain removed, they cannot stay in him forever.
but we will not be flushing or cleaning his wounds..the antibiotics will have to be enough to kick out the infection and let him heal....i am not torturing or tormenting that dog and sending him over the edge into powerless, panic stricken, out of his mind violence. i am not going to do it. if in 2 weeks everything has healed then he can suck up his terror for one more day and be done with it all. if however it hasn't for whatever reason...that is it, we are done, i will ask the vet to put him down and set him free. i am fucking done torturing odie. but my real fear is...even if he heals...will odie ever forgive and forget? he cannot remain so suspicious and dangerous, i won't be able to manage him here if he does.
and i bet you this is really why i am pissed at him because i feel so absolutely shitty inside and afraid of where this all might end. it is all so unnecessary..the things he needs to suck up and accept in the grand scheme of things are no big deal. countless of creatures have had to tolerate staples and tubes, cones on their heads and daily cleansing of wounds. for gawds sake odie, calm down and suck it up and one day not so far away it will be done.
anyway missing hubby while loving and hating odie today.