I held jakey in my arms all night, that is where he feels the most safe. for the first time in his life he feels valued and appreciated because I can feel his need, because I can feel his pain, because I will do whatever has to be done so he doesn't ever feel that way again.
are not jakey and I together so wonderfully wonderful, oh freaking yay...
lets get real.
jake likes human beds because they are soft, he likes laying with his nose in my armpit because my armpit protects him from the smell of his farts. last night I lay in the dark trying to decide which kind of hanging car deodorizer I should tape to his ass. lavender, pine and vanilla are my favorite scents.
does jakey need me? he is homeless so of course he does. am I his goddess of his salvation? not really. but he does like that he can pass gas on my bed without enduring a human freak out.
no point in romanticizing rescue in anyone's head.
rescue is not about bullshitting myself by listing all of the wonderful heavenly things that I think I give to them. it is more about listing the mundane more normal things that they actually get....like muddy feet and the freedom to fart in peace on my bed.
I live in a world where nothing is real....our health care is great because we say it will be, animals are homeless but they were deeply loved, every challenge will disappear with the wave of some magic wand.
I used to believe. but one day I grew up and realized that words have no real meaning.
it is what I see with my eyes, what I feel with my hands...what I smell with my nose...that is what is real.
the thought alone doesn't count for much when caring for vulnerable animals or people.
so.... the perfection of sainthood continually escapes me but acceptance of farts is realistically obtainable...
or at least it will be once I decide which pleasant scent of deodorizer I should buy for a gassy beagle butt.
I am leaning towards lavender,