there is always something going on around here to boggle my brain, if it isn't trying to figure out stuff with the animals, then it is trying to figure out stuff with people and if it isn't that then it is trying to figure out stuff with the money like how to make it stretch 4 times further than it possibly can.
people wonder why I am so often introverted and distant...it is because my mind is almost permanently stuck away in thinking about stuff land.
I am pretty sure if I didn't have saints, I would be pleasantly cheerful and socially adept..i think I used to be like that. however, years of this have pretty much stripped out the fluff and just left behind a stripped down machine programmed to deal with the problematic hard facts.
maybe that's why I have such contempt for airy fairy, warm and fuzzy that obscures reality.
I could look at rocko and put such a warm and sweet twist on the actual events...were we not so kind and generous to take him in, to help his aging family by giving them a hopeful option for him. did we not do our very best by him. was he not in our thoughts, on our radar, were we not watching him closely and worrying about him, trying so hard to do the best for him while he settled in.
and all of that is absolutely true.
but the bottom line is he died a month after he got here, he was still upset and not settled. and maybe this in part was due to his underlying health issues catching up with him and in part due to the stress of losing his home. but in retrospect I wish I had said no and let him be put down so his last month of life was not spent in unhappiness. I wish he had ended his life while he thought life was still predictable and good.
all of the good intentions aside...as far as rocko is concerned, this is the reality of what happened to him...he died feeling unwell and unsure in a shelter.
there is no way to put a warm and fuzzy spin on that for him.
this doesn't happen very often around here, where we lose them before we have a chance to help them feel good. but it does periodically happen and I hate it.
and what I really hate is..it is part of the reality of rescue.
freaking warm and fuzzy fairy tales are just in books.