too sick to do anything except to think.

when one of the palliative animals passes away, mixed in with whatever sadness or regret...there is a sense of relief. its over, one way or another, they were not alone when they reached the end of their road. they took that final step past where we are able to go... past any input, responsibility or control. our job with them is done as we turn around to meet the next one.

anne keeps spread sheets on all the animals in and out. she told me last week that up til now, we have been about 50-50. each year 50% adoption or into permanent foster care and 50% ending their lives here. this year however she was shocked to see..far less going out to homes and far more dying here.

this does not surprise me..year after year we have been filling up with more and more aging complex and difficult animals. sometimes...many times, most times....they live here year after year, for years at a time. eventually we just fill up with animals with no where to go...not even with a miracle.

no one wanted tina or jerry at 14..now at almost 18, their adoptability is even less. odie..puff daddy..still fairly young but so many issues. they may well live another 10 years here, cheerfully taking up space.

I am thinking we are pretty much limited to taking in animals like chewie now..ones that we know will die fairly soon.
of course we never really know this until they get here and we see what is going on with them. I am thinking of dogs like the mastiffs..we thought they were pretty much on deaths door but with a good med regime, looks like they too may be here for a while yet...taking up space but not getting adopted.

and really..in the end do I really care. if they had a good life here, if we were able to give them a home where they felt content, is that so bad.
but then I think of lance and mini me, and the inherent risks in rescuing and I know that each and every one of these animals should be living and dying surrounded by the hearts and arms of their beloved families.

death is not the monster...not being wanted is the most monsterous of it all.

love you guys...we want so much for you....wish we could do it all.