I am all screwed up in the head, in the heart, in the gut tonight. not sure what to do.
tina has been hopping along on three legs for months now...her back knee gave out, she was 17 years old, orthopedic surgery wasn't really an option. the vets tell me it doesn't cause her any pain because she doesn't use it anymore and she is such a trooper, she has gotten along fine with only three legs.
but this afternoon when I lifted her from the bed she was sharing with andy, up onto my bed to watch a movie and maybe nap a bit...her other knee has gone now too. she is lifting herself forward and walking around on her 2 front legs. part of me is stunned at her strength and determination and part of me is so utterly sad to see her have to move like that.
she is going on 18 years old now and she is so full of life..of light..of living and breathing spirit. in the blink of an eye she accepted that neither of her back legs work anymore and she got up and somehow walked anyway.
how did she do that and what do I do with it?
do I leave her as she is? do I take her back to the vet and reconsider the surgery to fix at least one of those back legs? can she even survive it now?
how can she have the inner strength of a mighty angel when her body is so utterly weak and frail?
tiny tina...4 years ago when she unhappily arrived here, she was determined to find her way home. she squeezed thru the fences and trucked miles thru a pathless bush until she made it safely to the other side and a kind person found her. I went and got her and brought her home and that distant blink of her eye, she accepted that reality then too...this was now her home.
tina..determination, strength of character, acceptance of the things that life sometimes throws..and she lives, ever moving forward to get what she wants...one way or another. she never tells herself she can't... it's just off she goes.
she is as tiny and vulnerable as can be and yet especially today, she humbles me.