i don't know if folks are as bored by reading the blog as i have been lately in writing it..but i do notice the daily unique hits have dropped from almost 400 per day to a mere 150 today.
during the last political upheaval, it was the blog that was used as the main and really only bone of contention..no one had too much to say about how we cared for the animals but a lot to say about how i wrote about life on this blog. it was felt it was too negative, it turned people off, so i have tried to be nicer in what i write...doesn't look like that is working too well tho.
i hate being stuck in a preconceived box of other people's expectations..i think folks should have expectations for themselves and leave me alone.
whatever...bottom line..i am the one living this life and everyone else has their own life to live.
and if folks want a rescue rose garden blog...they are going to have to step up, set up, live it and write their own.
i think the biggest obstacle to respectful, responsible, compassionate animal care is our tendency to wallow in bullshit. we want everything to sound nice, we want everyone to think we are great (and nice.) well you know what...sometimes we ain't. the truth of the matter is that rescue is full of people..good people, honest people, smart people, nice people, even a few sane people. and it is also full of bad people, dishonest people, stupid people, mean people, and bat-shit crazy people. and by this..i don't just mean rescuers..i mean volunteers, potential adopters and people who engage in surrendering their animals too.
and how is anyone ever going to know who is who and what is what if everyone bullshits about what they are really doing? if you are saying something mean about someone else..you are saying something mean. if you are dumping your old dog or cat for peeing, then you are dumping them for peeing. if you say you are a perfect home but you absolutely HAD to de-claw your cats..don't be too surprised if most people in rescue refuse to adopt to you because we think de-clawing is barbaric....it doesn't matter how good the story is..most of us won't buy it.
we cannot put a good or angelic or righteous spin on causing harm to someone else. so we bullshit..we fabricate some kind of story that will somehow excuse what we have done. we shift the blame from our own plate to the plate of someone else. hey, it works and it works because we let it.
we don't want to speak the truth..or even know the truth..it is easier to live in a web of half truths or out and out lies.
well..as far as the blog goes..here is the truth as i see it.
some people are going to enjoy reading the blog and some people are not. and some people are going to take what is written on this blog and turn it into a weapon. so what? ammo gathering in rescue is nothing new.
but here is the thing for me...if i am going to speak honestly here..then i need to be free to speak honestly. any negative fallout...falls right back on me. but if i am to be censored, if i am to write to meet the expectations others have of me..then quite frankly, i am not interested in writing anything. the readers of this blog can learn as much from reading about what i do right as they can from reading about what i am doing wrong.
i grew up in rescue surrounded by the old time rescuers who hate people. i saw their hate, i felt their hate and i said to myself..i will not hate people (somedays this is kind of hard!) i grew up in rescue where the personal bashing of other rescuers was almost a national sport and i said..i will not personally bash others (even tho sometimes i really want too!)
i grew up in the world of down and dirty rescue where i sometimes saw animals suffering in rescues care and i said...i will not allow animals to suffer in my care.
and i am still immersed in a world of rescue bullshit where we go out of our way to put things out there with a positive spin...well sometimes the positive is really just a smoke screen to hide something from being seen.
if i am a bitch on monday, then chances are i am bitching on monday's blog. if i had a good head shake and dragged my head out of my ass on tuesday..maybe i will write a wiser and more tempered blog. if i am feeling sorry for myself on wednesday, maybe that blog is a pity party but maybe by thursday something happens to restore my faith in humanity. if all of my angst and bitterness and hope and dreams got written somehow during the week..maybe on the weekend, i write about a special animal or two that i learned something new about.
interesting and easily digestible posts are not in me..airy fairy/warm and fuzzy deserted me a long time ago. i either write exactly what i am thinking or feeling on any given day (right/wrong/good/bad..but at least real from my perspective) or i write easy to spew out truthful but sparse updates day after day.
i am trying to figure out which way to go.