last night was just weird..it was not jerry tucked in behind me...it was nick. whenever I needed to switch position I sleepily reached out to touch jerry's curlycue fur to give him a gentle warning that I was on the move. except it wasn't jerry fur that I found..it was nicks softer, silkier coat and nick didn't give a shit if I wanted to move.
I am worried about both tina and seely. erin found a large growth in tina's mouth..not sure if it is an abcess or a tumor. it doesn't seem to be bugging her yet so I think it is most likely bad news. and seely is working too hard in my view at getting enough air in at night. her breathing is most definitely labored and that has to suck. renee called me this afternoon to tell me that seely was having trouble taking her pills tonight..they kept getting stuck and couldn't get past the tumor on the top of her mouth. ah shit, is that thing on a sudden growing spurt spree cuz she got her meds down fine this morning?
I am taking them both into the vet tomorrow, first thing in the morning. not sure if seely will be coming home again but tina will.
here is the thing about seely..in her case it really doesn't matter if we are able to give her a couple of good days, weeks or even months. the bottom line is she is going to die and pretty soon too. the good news is that seely likes it here...she thinks everyone has been incredibly kind, she has had a bath and groom and feels clean and nice. she cuddles up to me every night and is happy to share this up close and personal time. she likes her food, she likes my bed, she likes me and the staff and volunteers. so I really don't think that seely is adding up days.i think she is adding up good. i think she is just happy to be where everyone really cares deeply about her. so if seely passes tomorrow or next week..whenever the vets say that her quality of life is suffering or whenever I decide the risks of her starting to really suffer are too great..i guess it will be ok. we started doing our job for seely at moment one...get her comfortable and help her to feel valued and loved. we can't make the cancer go away...but we did make her fear and loneliness fade away.
I guess that has to be enough.