except to just say it.
phoebe is dying.
she has 2 large tumors on her spleen, and it looks like the cancer has spread to her liver and the lymph nodes surrounding her heart.
it is all pushing her stomach upwards and out of position which is why she is refusing to eat and feels like crap.
she came home tonight with a bunch of meds which may or may not help her to feel better and may or may not give her a little bit more time.
I cannot even imagine my life without her, she has been driving me crazy, making me laugh, causing chaos, absolutely insisting that I love her anyway for more than 10 years.
it has been a very long time but tonight it seems a blink of an eye.
it was right that I adopted her and made her part of my family because no one else was ever going to give her a home. everyone really and truly loves her but in sort of small doses. she has the largest (and most demanding and incredibly noisiest) personality that I have ever known.
I knew she was getting really old but this is breaking my heart, my red whirling wonder is no longer able to whirl any more.