i woke up with a start at 0500...was norman ok?
he really was poorly last night, rapid respirations, frequent coughing, refusing his bottles completely. i laid with him on and off during the night and finally frozen and sore i headed to the tylenol cupboard and straight to bed...i meant to wake up around 3 to check on him but i didn't. i suck.
anyway this morning he was up and a little bit hungry, he took about a third of his bottle. it has to be hard on his baby and increasingly frail body, this up and down roller coaster ride.
some days i think he will survive and some days i don't.
in between my fussing over norman at night, there are other beings wanting me. blanka can only tolerate a certain amount of on her own before she starts calling for me. it sounds pretty damn sad so i jump out of bed to reassure her that i am still here. i am not sure if it is an improvement that she gave me several hours of not calling last night..i was kind of counting on her 3 am wake up call to check on the baby out in the shop.
whatever, lets be honest....not her job to wake me when i actually need waking.
jack is asking for a fair amount of nightly reassurance..whenever i am up and about, he gets up too for a cuddle. you can tell, he is just checking in to make sure he is really welcome here.
matt needed out twice..stella actually wanted out once. yay stella! allie got into the recycling and was noisily tossing cans around. the bed buddies were totally frustrated with my midnight up and down. coda bear bit me the last time i moved.
the long and short of it all is this morning i feel icky..a wee bit of a headache, my stomach is queasy... i am afraid i might puke. today was my one and only dedicated clean the shop day so i am hesitant to down some gravol because if i do, i will want to spend the morning in bed sleeping.
what to do? what do do?...take something to feel better? or suck it up and clean that gawd damn freaking disaster of a shop?
i will let you know later which i actually choose. but a drowsy gravol induced morning in bed at this dark moment in time sounds kind of good.