i think what i like best about rescue is the endless opportunities to meet, know and love, real animals. not the fantasies, not the perceived, not the reflections of the view of human society but the absolute real thing.
a rescuer once told me "to know them is to loathe them" she said with a knowing grin.
and to a certain extent she was right...animals are not pure glistening vials of sparkling sunlight..they can be as imperfect, as flawed and broken as you or me.
not many folks know that the reason i absolutely hate robbie's obsessive attempts to lick me is because i see him obsessively licking aggie's butt.
it grosses me out in the extreme. add that to robbie's really bad habit of attacking weaker dogs over food and sorry, this adorable sweet little daxi that everyone sees in the photos is actually at times a rotten, gross and greedy bully.
i know him, at times i loath him but i also adore him because robbie is real. yes at times he is horrible or gross but also he can be playful and loving...and robbie for some reason, really loves me.
the one thing i have learned on this long road in rescue is no one on this earth is perfectly perfect. everyone has and is probably hiding something dark, mean, shameful or gross.
today we were talking in the kitchen about mickey and the fact that i am reduced to sleeping on the floor in the computer room to meet his needs. suggestions were flying on how to "fix" mickeys problems so i could sleep in my bed but were discarded as all of us know and "get" mickey..he is going to win...at least with me. he may be teenie but i am the weenie that caves in to him.
my answer to the problem of having to sleep on the floor is time and patience..mickey is wrecked and mickey is ancient and mickey will most likely die sooner than later and then i will be free to sleep in my bed again. i can't sleep in my bed now because mickey can't sleep in my bed...A..he would fall off and hurt himself on the middle of the night..and B... that bastard robbie would bite him at some point.
hence no bed for mickey and me,
when i look at mickey..i see a spoiled rotten little demanding stubborn dog who absolutely will not give in and sleep without me.
could i make him? could i harden my heart and ignore him? could i actually win?
sure i could, but i won't even try.
so i can sleep in a bed until he dies?
not worth the upset it would cause him.
i also see in mickey a tiny, little, crippled, lonely dog who thinks he desperately needs me to sleep beside him to make his world right.
whatever..in actuality...he is ugly and he smells, his deformed little legs remind me of a spider, his clouded eyes and flapping tongue resemble a zombie..he really is loathesome in many ways like when i pick him up when he is screaming for me and his sticky out penis brushes the back of my hand every freaking time and makes me cringe because it is cold, moist and someones penis....eeek.
but to really know mickey and robbie with all of their flaws is to love them unconditionally. not because i am a saint but because they are saints, they stand true to themselves, they are strong in their hearts, and they survived life so far and remained real. maybe not perfect or all that appealing..but real.
neither one will ever be the hero in some stupid fairy tale. but i don't care because they are the hero's here. and as much as i love them both in their loathesome ways...the fact of the matter is, they love me right back again and i have my own loathesome things..like what my hair and baggy, saggy eyes look like in the mirror in the mornings!
so to know them is to love them and to be loved in return. for while we may be loathesome, we are also beautiful because love (AND A BRUSH!) fixes almost everything..including old lady crazy no-bed head hair!
i do wish mickey's penis wasn't stuck out and robbie would refrain from licking aggie's butt...and he is never licking me again until he stops that revolting habit but there are worse things...i think...maybe..or on second thought..maybe not.
hmmmm...after re-reading this post...in the big scheme of things...where i sleep is the least of my problems.
i might need some therapy.