sometimes i think i am a real moron of incredible magnitude.
i have a full time job that i not only love but provides me with a pretty comfortable single person income.
i should have a nice home paid for by now.
i should have a decent nest egg stashed away.
i should be going on exotic vacations every year as a reward for working hard the rest of the year.
but i don't.
i have a life that is full of human and animal sadness,
a huge mortgage on an aging and broken down farm.
and once my bills are paid...my bank accounts are usually empty.
and the last time i had a real vacation where i actually went somewhere was about 25 years ago.
this past few weeks have been boggling me with problem solving.
and not my problems because i don't have time for any.
which i guess is a pretty good thing.
oh..except my sore ankle..that problem is really bugging me.
but my family is well..my job is good, saints despite some headaches is ticking along as it should..so in the big scheme of things, i can't really complain about too much except my ankle which really does freaking hurt.
compared to the rest of the world...i am doing ok.
but...(there is always a "but")
i am just saying...i could have a heck of a lot more if i didn't have this obsession with rescue.
it is a sad week here...
new dog parapalegic cheyenne wants to go home..even tho she no longer has a home that can care for her. watching her trying to communicate her need to me is breaking my heart.
miley after 5 huge surgeries on both of her knees..is going to lose her right hind leg anyway. she is booked for an amputation next tuesday, recommended by both our most trusted saints family vet and our most trusted orthopedic surgeon. i get that we have to do it and why, but it is making me sick.
daisy is teetering on the quality of life bridge...she is getting close to falling off.
and my dear ellie is getting old and more and more arthritic. pain control is becoming an issue..we are trying to help her by increasing her regime of pain meds. not sure if it will work.
and it is not just the animals sadness i witness..i work with people who face challenges too.
i feel like i bear unhappy witness to every sad thing going on lately in my little world.
is it worth not being mortgage free yet?
is it worth the absence of a nest egg?
is it worth not seeing the seven wonders of the world?
i guess so.
i doubt i would change it even if i could.
well, that's not quite true..i would change a couple of things...
my ankle would stop hurting.
ellie and daisy would stop aging.
cheyenne would find her happy here.
and miley would get to keep her leg.
and some of the real sadness in my human patients lives would disappear.
those struggling souls are the real wonders in my world.
but bearing witness to their greatness as they face their challenges..is sometimes so freaking sad.