Rescue Journal

wonders of the world.

Carol  ·  Apr 21, 2016

sometimes i think i am a real moron of incredible magnitude.

i have a full time job that i not only love but provides me with a pretty comfortable single person income.
i should have a nice home paid for by now.
i should have a decent nest egg stashed away.
i should be going on exotic vacations every year as a reward for working hard the rest of the year.

but i don't.

i have a life that is full of human and animal sadness,
a huge mortgage on an aging and broken down farm.
and once my bills are paid...my bank accounts are usually empty.
and the last time i had a real vacation where i actually went somewhere was about 25 years ago.

that sucks.

this past few weeks have been boggling me with problem solving.
and not my problems because i don't have time for any.

which i guess is a pretty good thing.

oh..except my sore ankle..that problem is really bugging me.
but my family is well..my job is good, saints despite some headaches is ticking along as it should..so in the big scheme of things, i can't really complain about too much except my ankle which really does freaking hurt.
compared to the rest of the world...i am doing ok.

but...(there is always a "but")
i am just saying...i could have a heck of a lot more if i didn't have this obsession with rescue.

it is a sad week here...

new dog parapalegic cheyenne wants to go home..even tho she no longer has a home that can care for her. watching her trying to communicate her need to me is breaking my heart.

miley after 5 huge surgeries on both of her knees..is going to lose her right hind leg anyway. she is booked for an amputation next tuesday, recommended by both our most trusted saints family vet and our most trusted orthopedic surgeon. i get that we have to do it and why, but it is making me sick.

daisy is teetering on the quality of life bridge...she is getting close to falling off.

and my dear ellie is getting old and more and more arthritic. pain control is becoming an issue..we are trying to help her by increasing her regime of pain meds. not sure if it will work.

and it is not just the animals sadness i witness..i work with people who face challenges too.

i feel like i bear unhappy witness to every sad thing going on lately in my little world.

is it worth not being mortgage free yet?
is it worth the absence of a nest egg?
is it worth not seeing the seven wonders of the world?

i guess so.
i doubt i would change it even if i could.

well, that's not quite true..i would change a couple of things...
my ankle would stop hurting.
ellie and daisy would stop aging.
cheyenne would find her happy here.
and miley would get to keep her leg.
and some of the real sadness in my human patients lives would disappear.

those struggling souls are the real wonders in my world.
but bearing witness to their greatness as they face their challenges..is sometimes so freaking sad.

Comments

Valerie

What you are is an inspiration and a source of light and hope not only for the animals whose world you change, but for anyone who learns about S.A.I.N.T.S and what you have done and continue to do.
Yes, there is sadness and suffering in the world...but as long as there are people like you who are the heart and soul of compassion and giving, the world will continue to get better. Thanks for being a source of inspiration and thanks for everything you have done to make a better life for the animals you champion and love.

Reply

carol A

if mileys leg hurts as much all the time as your ankle and you cant make it better, maybe her happy will come back when the leg is gone. hard, hard, hard but maybe she would be mobile and pain free.
Cheyene will get h er happy when she figures out that you share notchos and toast and icecream. she is a doll!

It is really hard getting old and not having your someone and having a giant mortgage. I know.

I do not have a sanctuary but I do have three senior dogs and six cats ranging from six to sixteen. it is a struggle of dentals and blood work and meds and food and acupuncture. I did the math. even if I got insurance it wouldnt cover all the preexisting conditions and treatment and drugs.

you know how outrageous eye meds are. five mils at $140. and then I just found out our vet clinic marks everything up! now I get as many meds as i can from the corner drug store... it is cheaper! and I am looking for a new clinic that doesnt charge thirty dollars more if you get a same day appointment. they treat you as a walk in even though you phone for an appointment and ask for the earliest opening they have.
my rant. sorry.

Carol.... look after your ankle. get some rest. spend something on your soul. maybe a large soft ice cream.... you get to have the first lick! I should too, but our new ancient needs the rest of her teeth pulled and that is two weeks wages .... oh well. big hugs.

Reply

Ali

And this is why we are here, dear Carol…. Those of us who volunteer, work, donate and support SAINTS in the ways we are able. We would all love to sacrifice and accomplish all you have but in reality there are very few who can do what you do, and have done for so many years with integrity and class. SAINTS would not exist without Carol Hine and that would be a tragedy. For that we all thank you.

Reply