i have been tired lately, tired of running this unbelievably complex enterprise with all of its challenges and idiosyncrasies.
i thought rescue was about helping animals...being there for them, being kind to them, respecting them, caring for them.
and it is.
but there is so much other stuff that goes along with all of that, all of the nitty gritty details that have to be attended to in order to do what we all want to do...giving the animals that come into our care some sense that they do have great value.
it has been a tough few weeks..the snow, the ice, the frozen pipes, no water, no electricity, staff shortages, my ripped apart bathroom, the fall i had this weekend that screwed up my leg, worrying about both people and animals that i care about.
and sometimes i wonder what the hell i am doing, why not just have a job like everyone else and come home to some quiet and peace.
and then i hold a panicked gulliver in my arms and gently rock him as i wait for him to fall asleep. and i see that harry is changing before my eyes and suddenly becoming irritably aggressive, and i ask about his meds, and i take one off the list, and tonight harry is peaceful and himself again. and i am learning 'signals for when maisie wants to be fed and when she needs to get out really quick because her diarrhea is about to explode. so tonight she is not barking at me over and over to get her true point across, i am getting her messages clearer now. and zander who has been in a foster home for the past several years but yesterday he suddenly crashed and is in the emergency clinic getting top quality medical care, and we have the money to pay for giving him another decent chance. this is what those irritating challenges mean.
and here is another thing about rescue...it was never meant to be fun.
rescue is meant to accomplish something, like helping someone.
my leg is bruised but it still works.
the pipes are unfrozen and the snow and ice will soon disappear. the power is on and we have tons of water (at least til the dry well hits in june) and the volunteers and staff and our supporters that we can count on are incredibly committed to the well being of saints, to the well being of the animals and to my well being too.
my fire that used to burn so bright that sometimes it burned me has faded to smoldering coals. it still gives warmth, it still does its job..for a few years more...just not so innocently blindly.
these animals..these precious and innocent souls...they complicate my life in ways i never even thought of yet their needs are so simple.
love, care, dignity and respect...people to care for them, about them and some money for their bills in the bank.
just gotta keep my eyes on the ball, and remember to to be a bit more careful of my feet.
oh and be patient, the bathroom will eventually get put back together again, hope floats the floor layers come soon.