it is still sucking around here.

at night i have luna, june and boomer with me on the bed and daisy, mystic and pepper loose on the other side of an xpen fence. i leave the doggy door open so those three can go in and out as they please but they can still be in the room with me.
i woke up in the middle of the night and daisy and mystic were in bed with us. someone had very quietly moved the xpen away from where it was wedged behind the dresser so they could sneak in bed with me. since everyone was being good, i chose to ignore their sneaking.
at 6 am i woke up to another fight outside...this time it was pepper, mystic and daisy only.
i pinned pepper to the ground and mystic and daisy ran back inside and back up onto the bed.
i put pepper back in a crate, went and got mystic and put her in a crate and returned for daisy who said if i tried it, she was going to bite me.
i managed to slowly slip a noose over her head and then led her into a crate for everyone's safety.

no one was hurt..i was there within a couple of seconds but it was an absolutely shitty way to start the morning.

i have a big problem here that i am trying to figure out but they aren't letting me.

i think mystic is upset because daisy and pepper are rocking the boat.
i think pepper is upset because she wants to be my only dog.
i think daisy is mentally unbalanced and over reactive which is just making everything worse.

i know that i can physically intervene and/or restrain both pepper and mystic without getting hurt.
i also know that this is not true for daisy, she is fear aggressive and will feel the need to protect herself, even if it means turning on me.

pepper is adoptable into a single dog home..in every other respect she is absolutely lovely.
mystic will settle down once the stress around here decreases.
daisy is a risk and a liability no matter where she is...she is a poorly socialized, fear aggressive dog with a violent history of abuse that is affecting her now.
daisy LOVES me..but even that love won't stop her from going after me if she feels cornered or threatened.
it doesn't matter that i have never hurt her and am never going to hurt her, she will never 100% trust me fully.

i am not happy about bear, i feel he poses a significant risk of safety to the other animals here at all times and to the humans who care for him during his needed insulin injections. i also feel he is not happy confined and alone in the previous cat communal area for virtually 23 hours a day. it is a nice bright, roomy and cheerful place but i think he views it as a rather nicely furnished cage.

oreo is failing rapidly..he is reaching the point where dementia is seriously diminishing his quality of life.

kassa could not get up today, she pooped her bed and had a really hard time managing thru her needed clean up shower, it was really stressful for her.
that 11 yr old great dane body is giving out on her.

i didn't get into rescue so i could kill animals. i realize euthanizations are sometimes needed at the end of long lived lives to prevent unnecessary suffering just before they pass away.
i realize that some animals are too physically, emotionally or mentally broken and sometimes the risks facing them or others, present too great a potential for serious and regrettable harm.

i get that not all animals can or should be saved.
and i get that rescue has to be responsible.

but i am tired of having to try to make the right decisions, of trying to see into the future, of looking back at terrible mistakes.
but mostly i am tired of literally holding their lives and/or deaths in my hands.

it just all so fucking sucks.