so i have been thinking..why is blogging so difficult for me now?
there are literally thousands of blogs here...going back way to the almost beginning. some days i could quickly whip off 2 or 3 in a day without even thinking. its not like that anymore so i was wondering why?
i think it is a bunch of reasons.. one being i am tired. i know i supposedly retired from nursing in May, but even if that officially happened, in reality it didn't. i am working just as much as ever and frankly work has been insane for the past several months.
i also don't have that much to say anymore.
when i first started saints 2 things consumed me..1. was bringing these animals to life. i wanted people to see how utterly interesting each of our crippled crew were..some were amazing, some were down right pain in the asses, but all of them incredibly cool and real personalities and i wanted to share that about them with you. and 2. there was a real purpose in what i was trying to accomplish here. i was not just your average warm and fuzzy crazy cat lady/puppy hugger accumulating animals with gigantic sob stories. the purpose was to acknowledge not only their existence but also their intrinsic value that deserved respectful and intelligent care. i also used this blog as a bit of a sounding/venting board..it was like a mental health release valve...esp on my more crazy days!
i am happy to say...mission accomplished on all three fronts..our staff and volunteers, our supporters, donors, and fans all get it...every single one of these animals are incredibly important. and i have weathered the various storms and am not certifiably insane.
so much of the past blogs were about my own struggles along with the animals struggles too. it is full of sad stories, angry stories, triumphant stories, funny stories and a few oh my fucking god, heart and mind breaking stories too.
the things i am struggling with now in comparison are mind blowing boring. i am focussed on preparing for saints future which means getting all of our miniscule and yet frustratingly many, ducks in a row. and while this part of my responsibility to saints is critical (and fucking mind boggling)...it actually bores me to tears.
i am also 61 now..i have mellowed emotionally somewhat..altho not everyone would actually agree! but i actually expect shit to go sideways, not too much surprises me anymore..its taken a very, very long time but i finally get it...NOTHING is ever freaking easy.
now i spend a lot of time thinking, planning, plotting,,anticipating problems before they occur. now i can pretty much toss any rock in the pond and predict the ripples fanning out from there to here.
so i know there are still a few folks who like to read this blog, even if few of them ever comment...(hint, hint, ahem.) but i am not sure what i have left to passionately share about...i have probably sprouted off about everything possible over the years. i will try to blog a little bit more often for the few die hards left out there...
maybe when i get back from this trip of a lifetime in a few weeks, i will rediscover the joy in blogging?
photo added for interest (just in case this blog is boring!)
this is mad max..he is an asshole. but he is also adorable and he makes me laugh...i have no idea why why someone has not fallen in love with this tiny tazmanian devil..he had me the very first day.